TOGETHERNESS & APARTMENTS

Tonight Chris was back on the ward after spending a couple of days in the onsite apartment suite. He told me that it was nice to have some privacy, but that he was sort of lonely being all by himself.

He of course was being constantly monitored, but he was left to fend for himself and discover what he'll need to be able to do for himself once he is discharged.

Chris said that he did appreciate the peace & quiet but after a while he felt all alone with nothing to do but watch his TV..

which was smaller than the TV in his ward room.

Chris told me that after he has finished his morning and afternoon therapy sessions that there is not much else to do but watch TV...and nap.

When I arrived he and a staff member were trying to get his TV headphones working. He was visibly annoyed because watching the Tube is a big part of his day. I noticed that the wires on his headphone had been schmucked..

Chris said that they had been caught in his wheelchair as he

fiddled with the connection...

they were kaput.

Much to his surprise and delight I said a very bad word, grabbed them from him, tossed them in the garbage, and took out the "good headphones" from the bedside drawer, and Ta-Da! The other headphones worked perfectly!

I repeat this story only to emphasize what an important device and distraction the TV has become. Here is a Chris-Eye view..

he is fortunate to be beside a HUGE row of windows..one of which has a screened portal which I always crank open to let in some fresh air.

As I mentioned Chris was glad to return to the ward where there is commotion and routine...just not-so-much at this time of the day.




He said that there wasn't any "ambience" in the apartment and that it was lonely. This is something which we all need to pay attention to since his release is imminent.

I have not yet heard whether Chris will be moving on to the other Lifeskills facility for a few more months of training and rehab. If he isn't, in a few weeks he may be going "home" to his new apartment. For obvious reasons we're moving his residence from the burbs to a central location which is closer to the rest of his family...very, very, close.

What can I say, Chris was in a great mood, he asked me to help him start going online soon, and he spoke of his experimental overnights in his trademark practical, matter-of-fact fashion. I was encouraged that he spoke openly about the loneliness factor..he really seemed to pick up on that.

I drove home with all the windows down..it was a gorgeous, warm, evening and I could not stop thinking that he may never be able to drive again.

We talked about that because I am guarding his car and I asked him what he wanted me to do with it. He said,"let's wait and see what happens. I may never drive again..pause..but who knows what could happen right?"

After hearing something like that I made sure that I appreciated every detail of the drive home. Imagine being able to spend your Life living in the moment?

He has these insightful moments. Even though his short term memory is still constantly "shorting-out" on him, Chris does talk about the "big picture".

That's why I feel so optimistic.

THE NEXT BIG STEP

This evening Chris told me that he would like to start Blogging soon, maybe next week! It's the first time that he has done so without my prompting him. I finally told him that I had started this blog for him so that he could have a record of his journey and how it all looked from the outside. He thought that was cool..which was a relief.



I told him that he was more than welcome to start practicing here by answering comments. I would help him post for a while and then he can either take it wherever he wanted, get back to his little corner of the blogosphere, or create a brand-spankin' new one!



I neglected to mention that last Friday two Stroke survivors visited Chris to share their experience. He admitted being a little nervous at first, but he said that it was interesting to talk to someone who has been through this. I hope that they and others will make a connection so that he doesn't feel as isolated.
Chris is concerned that he can't remember a lot of what happened. I just reminded him that he is slowly synapsing his way back and not to force it.

Chris is excited about moving into an onsite apartment for the next couple of days!

This suite is used to assess patients who are preparing to re-enter the outside world. This program was discussed at the meeting last week and the staff told us that it is an excellent way for Chris, and the staff, to see how he would really do in a more challenging environment.

Chris of course is looking forward to having a modicum of privacy..something that he has been without for months... btw Chris will be monitored for his safety.



The next step may also include moving to a different lifeskills facility, but we still don't know whether or not his application has been approved. Chris talked about it, and he seemed OK with the idea of strengthening his ability to live on his own, at least as much as he is able to at this point in time.
I reaffirmed his PMA and encouraged him to stay positive about another stint...
because from here-on-in, every little extra bit will help.

Whenever I visit I always try to work in some Sports stuff with Chris. Tonight there was some wailing and gnashing of teeth about the Bombers BOMBING in the Banjo Bowl. He howled when I told him about the "We Want Reinebold" headline on page one of the Sports section. He was having a laughing fit he thought that was so funny!

I also mentioned an AP story entitled "Brett looks Favrellous".
Now I was never the encyclopedic/analytical Sports guy that Chris was, and perhaps that worked wonders for our relationship over the years. Chris has endured listening to my kvetching about trivial superficial aspects of professional sports..such as the merkin pronounciation of Favre as Farrrrvvvv.

For whatever reason, Chris has always got a real kick out of my nit-pickety pet-peeve about Farrrvvv. I can accept Favray, Favour, Fav, even Faveree, but seeing Farvrrvellous pushed me over the top. He laughed and laughed and told me who I needed to call and complain.

I mention this last bit only because I really love hearing Chris laugh again...
because I know for certain, that in that moment, he is free.

So let's see how Chris does in his "trial apartment" and hope for the best. If afterwards he realises that he probably needs more help, and owns up to it, that will only improve the quality of his recovery and increase his chances of regaining a more independent existance.

SHORT n SWEET!

Late last night I snuck in some Pizza and a Pepsi for Chris.

He was busy entertaining guests..la-di-da...and visiting hours were pretty much finito when it was my turn so we had a quick visit.

Chris was in a good mood and it was nice to see him getting some attention..it was Friday night afterall. Anyway we didn't get a chance to do much chinwagging.

I brought along some pictures to pin on his wall One of them was this shot that I took of my Lilly that morning before it fell over from the deluge.

Many of you may be unaware that Chris was a bit of a Flower buff and he constantly offered advice on how to manage my backyard...for years.

I also made a copy of the picture I snapped of the family members who attended a meeting this week...I realised that I forgot to show it to Chris.

There is stuff happening and preparations are being made to accomodate Chris's imminent exit from the institution...I'll have more on this in the near future. Right now everybody wants Chris to take advantage of his stay and (re)gain as many Lifeskills as possible before he leaves.

Chris of course is anxious to get out and who can blame him? Next week could bring some important developments on his journey "home".

Hopefully I will be able to report on some of the opportunities in the works that are designed to challenge Chris and prepare him for a more independent Life :)
Here he is thanking me for the contraband.

If you do have the opportunity please write or call Chris and/or plan a visit.

September Long

I had an awesome visit with Chris this morning.



I brought along my camera to snap a few update shots and to show him some of my Summer photos from my blog..

which he still always asks me about..

he is so considerate and thoughtful.



It was so great listening to him laugh.

Here he is phoning my wife to say "Hi" and make fun of me...

I won't print what he called me but I consider it a term of endearment :)

A quick background. I know that this part of the blogosphere isn't about me, but Chris was and remains the most supportive fan of my blog. He asks me about it everytime we visit.

We met in College while taking Creative Communications back in the late 70s..he went on to work in Print and I in TV. Even though he is a "real" writer/editor, he still managed to overlook my obvious shortcomings and continually encouraged me to keep at it. I will always consider him my Editor Emeritus and value his input.

Chris was very upbeat and bright. Things are starting to happen.
Plans are being made for the next step in his recovery.

Hopefully this will all come together in the very near future and Chris can start the next phase and enjoy a little more independence.

He needs to keep adapting and re-learning but I feel a lot more confident about his prospects than I did one month ago. Chris seems to be more positive and perhaps he has started to sense that change is in the wind.

We're all expecting Chris to turn another corner in the next while :)

I have to tell you that when his lunch arrived, he matter-of-factly sat up and spun around..I just stared for a moment...and realised that he has come such a long way. I said "hey you just"...and he said "oh yeah".

His wonderful sister arrived and brought him a real homemade barbequed Burger!...

how awesome is that?

We both agreed that Chris isn't really aware of his progress.

It's September Long and Summer is over so Chris is right on schedule. Chris has some new things to look forward to. After today's visit I can honestly say that I am excited and optimistic about his success...sure there will be more disappointments and setbacks...

but he seems to bounce back every time something went askew.

Good for you Chris!

I should leave the last CHRIS WAS IN HIGH SPIRITS post up for a while.

There seems to be a rhythm to the tone of our meetings...
good-
not-so-much-
good-
not-so-much-
good-
not-so-much-
good-
not-so-much-
good..

seriously?!
I'm not sure why that is or if I imagine it. It is unrealistic to hope that every visit is cheery and filled with laughter. I expect to do a lot of listening and hand holding because Chris has waaaay too much time to sit and think about all of this. My wish is that he finds that positive "thread" dangling and hangs on for dear life...which is hard enough for most to do.

There are a few encouraging things in the works of which I'll write about in the very near future. We're hoping that Chris gets to meet some people who have overcome this experience. They might have a lot more credibility and he may be reaching some level of "familial fatigue". Which is why I think it is important for Chris to reconnect with the rest of the world.

In the meantime I want to encourage the local people to make a brief call or visit if they get a chance. Chris is usually finished most of his work by 3ish.

fyi: I am printing out letters and home-made get-well cards that people send from out-of-town & overseas.

Thank You all for the encouragement...
hopefully Chris will start using his laptop and then you can connect directly.

Chris was in high spirits tonight.



photo from Gerry


I was there along with a sister & brother in law and we had an awesome visit. I haven't heard Chris laugh like that for some time...he had to tell us to keep it down a few times out of concern for his roomies.

I noticed that Chris was able to pull a few names out of the blue as we discussed a myriad of topics. It's both interesting and encouraging to see how his memory is mending. I noticed that he doesn't seem surprised when he recalls details either.

He commented on how strenuous his therapy has been and how much he enjoys his therapists. I'm writing this down because I don't want to lose the elation that I felt at seeing him laugh and forget about his predicament for a while.

He answered a few calls while we were there. I would like to encourage you to phone and just give Chris a quick hello if you have time.
I'm certain that Chris would love to hear from you even for a few minutes..just a little call about what you've been up to would make his day and keep those synaptic channels popping :).

It was great to hear Chris laugh and he had no problemo telling us when it was time to get settled in. I hope that he has "sweet dreams" and remembers how much fun we all had tonight.

I visited Christopher today and he said that he has not received many phone calls on his bedside bed. That email number DOES NOT WORK and nobody there can answer questions. You can email me and I can print your message or photo but Chris still doesn't read much. I tell him who said HI or left a comment.

I try to get him to read the "paper" and coax him to pick up the laptop, but he is not ready.

If you would like to have his phone number just email me . Keep in mind that Chris can only handle short calls..but that's fine. Just keep it brief and let him know that you are thinking of him. He does have therapy mid morning and afternoon.

Chris was moderately annoyed about being "institutionalized" as he put it, and just wants to get out, go home, and be with his kids.

It was yet another dreary, raining, night, and I felt equally depressed. This entire experience has been framed in this endless drizzly blah Summer...
I'll never forget it.

Not much change. Chris tells me that the physio therapy is quite a bit more intense and challenging. He wasn't as "bummed out" as he has been on other visits. He told me that it feels like a bad dream and hecan't believe that he doesn't just wake up..and it's over.

So having got that out of the way we sat back and watched some TV. He said that he was tired and he likes to watch a few shows before he falls asleep. Chris put his headphones on and smiled at me and we watched the Office. He would laugh out loud and luckily I've seen most of the episodes so I knew what he was laughing about. He took off the phones and apologised.."You can't hear this?"

I said, "that's OK, I've seen it before." Chris smiled and put the phones back on. I patted him on the shoulder and just sat there. It was nice just being there and listening to him laugh. :)

Chris was a little down yesterday..but it was raining and grey. He did get moved by a window while I was there so hopefully that will cheer him up a little.

Sorry for the lull in reporting about his condition but I had been vacationing and to be honest I was a little nervous about having been away but Chris seemed forgiving.

I listened to him discuss his feelings of imprisonment and looked for clues about his current frame of mind. There were no signs of delusion or confusion..just an understandable longing to go home and be with his kids. His brief compilation of recent events was very touching and made it tough to try and maintain a brave front. There was a sadness in his eyes and all I could offer was a hug and some light hearted banter.

I asked him how the therapy was going and with a concentrated effort Chris raised his right arm for me. After getting him in a chair we took off and went exploring...we stopped at various spots and discussed the News of the day but truth be told he still doesn't seem to want to read anything.

Chris has a phone by his bed and I am conferring with his family about making his new phone number available. I told Chris that I was collecting numbers and that he should call people... but he seems overtly self conscious and hesitant. I tried to convince him that there were a lot of old friends who just want to say HI and chat for a few minutes.

Now the concern is that if everybody called at once or his phone rings off the hook for a few days it might totally overwhelm him... so ideally some sort of logistical procedure needs to be in place..at least in the beginning..but I don't know how to organise that.

I'm inclined to just let the "Force" work that out.

Now he also has his laptop however operating it will take a little time. Obviously this will be a fantastic way for everyone to communicate with Chris and it will allow him to respond on his terms. He would feel a sense of accomplishment and some control over his environment which would be a huge boost.
Hopefully he will agree to work on rediscovering his cyber self but again I don't know whether we are supposed to wait for him to feel ready or just go-for-it and make it happen?

All of his sibs understand that hearing and seeing others would greatly lift his spirits and encourage him. We also know that he is quite concerned about how he presents himself and this seems to dampen his desire to meet & greet others.

You will soon make your own evaluations but as I reminded him, a few weeks ago we were happy to see his eyes open! I am betting that once he gets a few short calls under his belt and then a few brief visits, that he will realise that everyone just wants to be there for him. He doesn't need to worry about how he sounds or comes across.

Sometime this week I hope to be able to release his number and hopefully, somehow, Chris will not be overwhelmed and innundated with a flurry of calls.
Chris needs as much encouragement as possible to catch the next wave and keep on keepin' on.

Chris was a happy camper this morning when I went to visit him at the rehab centre. He had just been assessed by the staff and was just about to meet his Mom & Sister for Lunch in the cafeteria.

We went for a quick spin around the place and he seemed to be very pleased with his new surroundings. I suggested that he start racing his wheelchair against other patients down the huge stretch of hall on the Main floor...
to make a little cash on the side, he said, "set it up" :)



From what I understand the gameplan is for Chris to hit the ground running in a program that involves both Occupational and Physical Therapy that will build on his steady progress. He will have assigned professionals helping him to recover the skills that he'll need to take the next step.

This environment should have a more consistent feel than the hospital, although I was impressed by so many of the staff at the HSC who were really wonderful and made Chris feel important.

Hopefully Chris will get a phone by his bed within the next few days. If you would like to email me your number I can print out a call-list. Hopefully Chris will start making calls on his own which could mean that you might get one in the middle of the night :)

He gave me a quick call from his sister's cell last night..he acted all cool..
"Yeah hi it's Chris..what are ya doin? I moved today, yeah I'm out of the hospital..."
It was awesome.

If you would like to send Chris a message here is the email address (copy or click)
dlcvolunteers@deerlodge.mb.ca
Apparently the volunteers will print them up and hand deliver...at least that's what it said on the bulletin board.We'll get a folder for him to collect all of his messages and return addresses. Hope they have a good printer :)

Hopefully once he is ready,Chris will get on his laptop and start reciprocating. I have no doubt that he will feel his spirit soar once he discovers how many people he has pulling for him. Once he's back online with his blogmates, co-workers, family and friends, he'll feel re-connected.

We used to talk at length about how much intimacy and camaraderie you can actually extract from the cybersphere. For the past few years Chris has been ensconced in several venues of social networking on the Interwebs. He felt right at home teasing, discussing issues, exhorting and comforting others from all walks of life in different corners of the globe.

Chris has a natural effortless way of connecting with others. People sensed that he didn't have a huge bloated ego, a litany of complicated "issues", or a sketchy hidden agenda. He was quite discerning and selective, very loyal to those who earned it, he even withheld their secrets from moi!?..and yes I'm not proud of it but sometimes I'd prod and plead for the scoop but no way jose.

Chris made others feel safe...why am I telling you? You already know all of this.

So here he goes on to the next stage. We all fully expect Chris to surprise the experts again and make some impressive strides by Autumn. I am very hopeful that this stage of his recovery will be a very positive experience and that Chris will quickly regain his skills and strength...and so say all of us!

CHRIS IS MOVING!

Yesterday when I went to the hospital Chris told me that I should have called ahead first because he might have already been moved to the rehab centre..

don't-cha-know!

That is the power of positive thinking in action.

Chris was in good spirits and he told me that the physio dude is making him walk :) a few steps along the handrail! He said that it was exhausting and I reminded him that a few weeks ago I was excited to see him open his eyes

This just in..here is how his sister described it today:

"I saw him in physio today and it was amazing. He is walking up and down a hallway using a modified walker (Instead of holding the handles with his hands, he leans his forearms on pads that are up to his armpit. His Physio walks behind him and holds the back of his pants for safety, but Chris is definitely doing the walking. He walks up and down the hallway, takes a short 2 minute break and then repeats. Today, he did it four times (back and forth X 4), which is one more time than yesterday."

I am trying to convince him that he needs to have his laptop so that he can receive e-mails from all of his friends..I could enlarge the font and he could even try tapping out a few replies. I'm also still trying to convince him to meet & greet more people which he said he could do when he gets to the rehab centre.

I have no doubt that Chris will be more positive when he gets out of the hospital..here he sees so many people in various states of disrepair come and GO and it drives him crazy because he seems to think that they all get to go home!

His transfer could happen any day now so cross your fingers and toes.

I hope that people forgive me for not posting as often but Chris has stabilized and seems to be making slow/steady progress...good days and bad. I did mention that I wouldn't report on every visit because this could (will) take months and years.

My hope is that Chris will take over blogging about his recovery by Christmas..which might seem far fetched but why not? Besides my conjecture about how he is really feeling/thinking are like shadows on the cave wall.

I would love to know how Chris is following his thoughts down the rabbit hole.

I have witnessed moments of lucidity that overwhelm him, vanish, and reappear.

I miss Chris. He is my talk/rant/tease-about-anything-in-the-world guy. For years we have had weekly meetings where we yak about everything from fears & failures to world politics, religion, and complete utter bullsh*t..do you know how few men have this luxury?

I knew how lucky I was and I never dreamed that I'd lose this. NFW!

I fully expected the two of us to maybe expire earlier than some because of our bad habits, but not for another decade. It's weird but I just assumed that he was going to be my for-sure "constant". It's only been two months but I have really felt the impact of this awful experience..

I know that this sounds selfish but we connected 30 years ago and that's a long time.

Chris and I took turns kicking each other in the ass when we did something stupid BUT we also congratulated and encouraged each other..

and when he patted me on the back it really meant something because I knew that he really cared.

So I want him to come back as far as he can. He is coming to grips with his predicament and I told him that he needs to fight for as long and hard as he can before he can know what his life will be like.

I remind him how amazing it is that we are even having a conversation!

But it is easy for me..I can just stroll off the ward and drive home.

I'm not THERE trying to piece together the enormity of reconstructing my LIFE.

I hope (how many times have I used that word on this blog?) that Chris finds the strength to keep this Sysuphusian ordeal of rolling the damn ball back up the hill. I have tried to imagine what rolls into his head when he wakes up in the morning. He tells me that he still can't believe that this happened..

neither can I..

and I hope that he knows how much we all want him to keep trying. I know that it might never be the same but I don't care.

It was his big heart, easy laugh, and goofy grin that won me over three decades ago. At the core Chris is a big mush who gave more than he took.

How many of "them" do you get to meet in this world?

Newsflash 9pm;

Chris is being transferred to the Rehab Centre Tomorrow Morning!