vicariously chris

Epilogue

2010-10-20T10:27:00.001-05:00

ONWARDS AND UPWARDS

I thought that I should close this chapter by announcing that Chris is engaged and about to start a new life.

He (and his adorable & lovely Fiancée) can be found on Facebook...where he loves to leave me messages that begin and end with the word "idiot"
...still an insatiable tease.

Looking back at his journey throughout this journal, I've come to appreciate how tenuous and precious Life really is.
Our friendships define and mold us.
We adapt and adjust to accomodate our circumstances, but our relationships will always be our the most precious gifts.

I'm so happy for Chris.
He has always been a Giver, and I believe that somehow his karmic cache of goodwill was atleast partially responsible for his second chance.

His sense of humor and compassion remain intact as his body continues to strengthen.

All in all, I've come to realise that I'm just as lucky as he was...
well, almost! :)

2010-05-22T01:53:00.000-05:00

SHORT TRIP ON MAY LONG

Chris is okay.

Tonight around suppertime Chris had a seizure, not another stroke. ..he was discharged just before 1 am.

His Mom discovered him on the floor and although he quickly recovered, he was sent to the hospital afew blocks away. He had a few tests to be sure... some bloodwork, a CT scan and heart monitoring.

The attending Doctor said that there was no evidence of any new damage and that seizures were not uncommon with stroke patients. His speech and newfound mobility were unaffected. Chris was prescribed some medication and shown the door.

Chris remained in good spirits throughout his 5 hour visit...his daughter and I entertained (distracted and kept him awake) until his son returned to help him in the car and take him home.

As you can imagine Chris was ECSTATIC to get out of there, and I have to admit that it was awful seeing him back in a gown.

Onwards and upwards!

Hopefully the medication works and Chris can continue his remarkable progress.

2010-01-03T23:38:00.002-06:00

A "NEW" YEAR

Just thought that I'd write a brief post about how Chris is managing.
I am happy to report that Chris is in high spirits when we get together.

He seems to have adjusted to his new place and routine. Chris manages to get on his Blog and Facebook once and a while.

More than anything Chris is embracing his freedom.
I think that he realises how lucky he is and that he has received a gift..
so he hasn't complained once about how different it is.

Chris appears to be surprisingly compliant about his "rules" concerning his recovery...
he seems to sense that there isn't a magic wand to wave or some secret shortcut to his synaptic resurgence.

This afternoon he teased me mercilessly in front of my wife and youngest son..
he even made jokes about me to my oldest son on the phone...
and he loved every minute of it..
so did I.

I'm sure that there are moments when he is really struggling and like everyone else, I wish that there was more that I could do. I don't know if he understands how far he has come so far.

I do know that he obviously wishes it was further, but somethings just take time...something that he bought a little more of last year through sheer determination. So I have high hopes that his will to exceed his expectations is percolating night and day.

All that I can say is that making him laugh and goofing around is something that I treasure. One of these days he may ask more of me and hopefully I will be ready, until then, I'm thrilled to be able to spend time with him.

2009-12-07T22:41:00.000-06:00

I have some excellent news for those of you (like me) who find themselves needlessly oversharing in the cyber-vortex of Facebook..

Chris is now oot & aboot...

and just in time for Winter!

2009-12-01T14:32:00.000-06:00

Chris posted on his Blog .

I hope to get him going on his Facebook page this week because it would probably be easier for everyone involved.

Click on over and say hello :)

2009-11-22T18:13:00.002-06:00

*SCROLL TO THE END TO SEE UPDATE

MAKING NEW MEMORIES

After six months of recuperating from a series of strokes, Chris finally made it Home.

I don't need to tell you how happy he is or point out that he has just begun a new phase of his Life.

Chris intentionally displayed his re-acquired ability to get around and do ordinary things that most of us take for granted.

I sat back and listened to him explain how he intends to re-master everyday living as much as he can..
and then some :)

I'd be glad to forward his new mailing address & phone number however I also intend on getting him back online this week!

Before I left, his two favorite people arrived and this picture says it all.

After some chit-chat I left so that they could start making some new memories.

There will be some new hurdles ahead, but right now, I think that we should savour the moment and be grateful.

*Well LOOK who is back online!
Forget about emailing Chris for a while because his computer will be retrieving all of his messages for a few days...
but, you could go and leave a comment
HERE

I watched him post about an hour ago.....:)

2009-11-17T18:04:00.001-06:00

CHRIS IS BEING DISCHARGED @ NOON, FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 20th.

2009-11-15T07:56:00.004-06:00

This week Chris will be doin' his thang on his own.

He will be monitored but the staff would like to see how he goes about his routine unassisted...

get himself ready and down to physio etc.

The final preparation for his release.

I told him about all of your salutations and he was tickled pink...and he wanted me to say thank you.

Here are a few snaps from his party;

Good luck this week buddy.

2009-11-08T22:47:00.002-06:00

BIRTHDAY PRESENT

Chris will probably be released by the end of November...maybe next Friday?

Chris continues to make terrific gains in physio therapy and the reward for all of his latest efforts will mean the difference between relying more on his walker than a wheelchair.

Chris is able to walk on his own for short distances. This will make a big difference while getting around his apartment.

Chris also mentioned that he would like to get two kittens or cats to keep him company, although I don't know if pets are allowed in his apartment?

Next Sunday Chris turns 54.

I'm hoping that they'll let me take him out to a movie.

My best guess is that he'll be released the following Friday and begin the next phase of his journey.

I am going to help him get set up on his computer and make it as easy as possible for him to access his Facebook and Blog sites.

Naturally you should expect a lot of brief "hi" and "thanks" replies for a while until he regains his stride on the keyboard, won't that be fantastic?

I'm planning to post a photographic essay on his return home and then my original mandate will have been completed.

I'll post his links & email address here to ensure that you can get in touch.

I hope that Chris will be able to look back on these pages and appreciate how far he has come..

and like you, I look forward to reading his "take" on it someday soon.

Thank you all for the encouragement.

2009-10-31T21:24:00.006-05:00

TREATING WITH TRICKERY

Today being Hallowe'en, I thought that I would surprise Chris with a visit from Doctor McScreamy!

Make a Smilebox greeting

Scarrrrry stuff eh?

Don't worry he'll pay me back in spades when he gets back online :)

Anyway, I assured Chris that I was there to give him a routine check-up.

I told Chris that I couldn't find anything
wrong with him but just to be sure,

I was putting him on my home-made medication for the next few weeks.

Now just to prove that Chris was unharmed during the making of this posting, here he is with the treats I brought along to bribe him into playing along with my dorky trick.

Chris assured me that he is making great strides in physio while he "patient"-ly awaits his release.

His roomate (and credible eye-witness Bob), who was kind enough to take these photos, concurred with Chris's prognosis.

Hang in there Chris.

2009-10-25T17:17:00.002-05:00

HIS OUTLOOK IS LOOKING GOOD

Chris went to see his new apartment while a review of the necessities and alterations were discussed with staff and family members.

Chris had been tentatively scheduled to be released in a few days but he wisely decided to stay and work on his physio for a few more weeks.

His physical progress is remarkable and he understands that the more he is able to manage his day-to-day activities with his walker the better off he'll be.

I'm not certain if a release date is etched in stone but Chris seems to be fine with the idea of bolstering his mobility capabilities before he goes home.

The good news is that he'll be home for CHRISmas.

2009-10-16T14:23:00.007-05:00

Why don't I meet you at the gym and we'll go out for coffee?
How bromantic?

This morning I found Chris nasalscaping

"Aw jeez Chris, you don't have to bother doing that for m...",

"it's not for you (very bad words)!".

Then it was off for a workout which the staff was kind enough to let me shoot...
and then it was off to the cafeteria for a cup of coffee before Lunch.

Today I'm going to just let the pictures do the talking....

it's awesome isn't it?

2009-10-12T13:41:00.001-05:00

TERMS & TERMS OF ENDEARMENT

Chris will be moving to a new apartment..probably within the next few weeks. He will be in the same block as his Mom & Dad.

He will receive homecare from a consortium of family members and trained professionals, and attend ongoing therapy at the nearby St. Boniface Hospital. Chris told me that he is on the hurry up and wait program. Naturally he wants to escape living in the fishbowl.

I should probably come clean about the extent of his memory incapacitation...

I am guilty of glossing over how much this stroke has damaged his short term memory. Today I asked him about it.

Chris said that his short term memory is fine and that his long term memory is poor.

However he described, in great detail, the appearance of an old College friend who found me on Facebook this week, but asked me three times if I was having Thanksgiving Dinner today.

So I told him that his short term is worrisome and his long term is surprisingly acute. So the fact that Chris has some trouble recognising this reveals a great deal.

Of course he can carry on an intelligent conversation and discuss certain recent events, but at times forgets what was said. This of course does present some serious implications about being on his own to any extent, but the decision has been made, and it wasn't unanimous, that Chris is going to get a chance to try living in his own apartment.

Chris seems to acknowledge that if this doesn't work out, that for his own safety, he will then move into a personal care home. I suspect that this will become self evident and that it will need to be constantly monitored and re-assessed on a day-to-day basis.

Who is to say that in the near future he won't make strides in rerouting his synaptic pathways. From what I understand many of the professionals have expressed concern that this may very well be as good as it gets....but others keep saying that it is still too early to tell.

I defer to my nagging optimism and choose to believe that Chris is going to give it his best shot. I asked him what he thinks a typical day would be like..he said that he wants to sleep in until 9 and then he will start blogging and maybe watch some TV. Chris said that he thinks that blogging and answering emails will keep him really busy and connected to the outside world.

I asked him again if he had tried reading anything..he said that he was tired of reading because he has been proofreading for a living for 3 decades..I asked him if he can retain what he reads and just sort of nodded. He said why do I need to read when I can watch TV and let someone else do it for me?

I'm fairly certain that he doesn't grasp the logistics of it all..but I'm a kinetic learner so I know what that sort of existance means..you need to actually do it to figure it out.

Chris deserves a chance to find out, this might not be the perfect time or even a good time but his patience with his present routines and environment has all but expired..he seems to have focussed on getting out and is losing interest in many of his tasks...at least that is what he told me. You can guess that there is a lot more to his predicament but this is as far as I am willing to discuss the matter.

After my nosey prodding Chris and I joked around for about an hour. He thrives on trash-talkin' me in front of the staff. When an orderly asked if he needed anything Chris replied Yes a new friend because this bozo is such a (bad word) and then he laughs and laughs. Which is great because he has spent decades mercilessly ribbing me.

Chris always called me Goofball or Nerd-Boy and (bad word) as a term of endearment.

It's a guy-thing, I know that he loves me.

He is an incorrigible tease.

So as soon as I find out when he will be moving I will be sure to document the event. This is another huge step and once again Chris is entering unchartered territory, but considering the past five months, it is a gift...my Thanksgiving Gift.

2009-10-05T13:25:00.008-05:00

This weekend I caught Chris reading "the Paper"!

Chris hasn't really done much reading since his stroke so I made a big deal out of it and congratulated him. Our football team won a game the night before and I think that he wanted to see what his workmates had written about it.

I was at the game so I threw a Bomber cap on his head and showed him my phonecam shots of the experience. I apologise for the quality of these images..
let's just say that technology was uncooperative today :)

You'll notice here that Chris is giving the universal "thumbs-UP" sign with his right hand.

It was chilly outside but we ventured out-of-doors for a stroll and some fresh air.

As you can see I let him go on and on about the flowers, for those of you who might not know this, Chris is quite a knowledgeable gardener.

There is a chance of snow flurries this week so it seemed like a good idea to "dig" the garden.

We wandered about and admired many of the statues and monuments on the grounds.

Chris desperately wanted to take a picture of me for this entry so while I was interpreting the symbollism of these vestigial icons honoring our Colonial past,
he kept laughing and taking pictures of my feet!
He finally snapped a "keeper" just as I was reaching for his neck.

We got together a few times last week and Chris was always in a good mood..all things considered. He seemed positive and as usual his mindset is very straight-forward.
Chris just wants to go home.

I have not heard whether or not he will be moving on to another facility for extra life-skills preparation or when/if he is being released in the next week or so? I will certainly post anything that I find out.

btw:
Chris really appreciates all of the visitors and phone calls so please continue to connect :)

2009-09-25T14:28:00.006-05:00

CHOW, CHOW, CIAO

Today I visited Chris just after chow and before I said ciao, he had a visit with Chew the Chow-Chow.

While I was there a sister and an old friend dropped by and Chris was engaging and laughed throughout our lively group discussion.
In the few minutes that we had together, Chris was quite elated about having completed his morning stint in therapy and having the weekend off!
Some things are universal.

I found out that he has a laptop in his closet HELLO! and so we're going to see if the therapist can work with him next week and try to tap out a few lines.
I told him that he can take over this Blog but he is thinking of creating a brand new site.
That will be fantastic!

I told him that I'd be happy to help him get that going...so if you're phoning or visiting..please encourage him to get that up and running.

No news on an exact date for his imminent exit, however his fabulous sibs have preparations for his new residence well in hand. It would be great if Chris could handle lingering for a few more Lifeskill lessons, but he really just wants to get "home", and who can blame him?

We had fun today..I was showing him how to do 360s in his wheelchair..in forward and reverse..he said that he'd try it after his siesta.

I should mention that Chew the Chow lives with one of the staff members. Staff take turns bringing in their pets to visit, lick, and warm the hearts of the patients. What an awesome program. These "fursicians" all have their portraits up in the hall.

A while ago I saw a stout Basset get off an elevator and waddle down the hallway at "supper time"...he went in and out of every room looking for the most generous hosts :)

I apologise for not posting everytime that I visit..rest assured that I will pass on any BIG news. Anyway, you should be aware that Chris was in high spirits on every occasion. I sense that he can taste freedom.
Ready or Not, Chris is working on his return to Life in the outside world, as he calls it.

Many of you are aware that Chris can be stubborn and bullheaded..oh wait, I think we call that "perversely unyielding" now. Pardon me while I state the obvious, but I think that his fortitude has had a lot to do with his recovery.

2009-09-17T20:53:00.006-05:00

TOGETHERNESS & APARTMENTS

Tonight Chris was back on the ward after spending a couple of days in the onsite apartment suite. He told me that it was nice to have some privacy, but that he was sort of lonely being all by himself.

He of course was being constantly monitored, but he was left to fend for himself and discover what he'll need to be able to do for himself once he is discharged.

Chris said that he did appreciate the peace & quiet but after a while he felt all alone with nothing to do but watch his TV..

which was smaller than the TV in his ward room.

Chris told me that after he has finished his morning and afternoon therapy sessions that there is not much else to do but watch TV...and nap.

When I arrived he and a staff member were trying to get his TV headphones working. He was visibly annoyed because watching the Tube is a big part of his day. I noticed that the wires on his headphone had been schmucked..

Chris said that they had been caught in his wheelchair as he

fiddled with the connection...

they were kaput.

Much to his surprise and delight I said a very bad word, grabbed them from him, tossed them in the garbage, and took out the "good headphones" from the bedside drawer, and Ta-Da! The other headphones worked perfectly!

I repeat this story only to emphasize what an important device and distraction the TV has become. Here is a Chris-Eye view..

he is fortunate to be beside a HUGE row of windows..one of which has a screened portal which I always crank open to let in some fresh air.

As I mentioned Chris was glad to return to the ward where there is commotion and routine...just not-so-much at this time of the day.

He said that there wasn't any "ambience" in the apartment and that it was lonely. This is something which we all need to pay attention to since his release is imminent.

I have not yet heard whether Chris will be moving on to the other Lifeskills facility for a few more months of training and rehab. If he isn't, in a few weeks he may be going "home" to his new apartment. For obvious reasons we're moving his residence from the burbs to a central location which is closer to the rest of his family...very, very, close.

What can I say, Chris was in a great mood, he asked me to help him start going online soon, and he spoke of his experimental overnights in his trademark practical, matter-of-fact fashion. I was encouraged that he spoke openly about the loneliness factor..he really seemed to pick up on that.

I drove home with all the windows down..it was a gorgeous, warm, evening and I could not stop thinking that he may never be able to drive again.

We talked about that because I am guarding his car and I asked him what he wanted me to do with it. He said,"let's wait and see what happens. I may never drive again..pause..but who knows what could happen right?"

After hearing something like that I made sure that I appreciated every detail of the drive home. Imagine being able to spend your Life living in the moment?

He has these insightful moments. Even though his short term memory is still constantly "shorting-out" on him, Chris does talk about the "big picture".

That's why I feel so optimistic.

2009-09-14T20:37:00.006-05:00

THE NEXT BIG STEP

This evening Chris told me that he would like to start Blogging soon, maybe next week! It's the first time that he has done so without my prompting him. I finally told him that I had started this blog for him so that he could have a record of his journey and how it all looked from the outside. He thought that was cool..which was a relief.

I told him that he was more than welcome to start practicing here by answering comments. I would help him post for a while and then he can either take it wherever he wanted, get back to his little corner of the blogosphere, or create a brand-spankin' new one!

I neglected to mention that last Friday two Stroke survivors visited Chris to share their experience. He admitted being a little nervous at first, but he said that it was interesting to talk to someone who has been through this. I hope that they and others will make a connection so that he doesn't feel as isolated.
Chris is concerned that he can't remember a lot of what happened. I just reminded him that he is slowly synapsing his way back and not to force it.

Chris is excited about moving into an onsite apartment for the next couple of days!

This suite is used to assess patients who are preparing to re-enter the outside world. This program was discussed at the meeting last week and the staff told us that it is an excellent way for Chris, and the staff, to see how he would really do in a more challenging environment.

Chris of course is looking forward to having a modicum of privacy..something that he has been without for months... btw Chris will be monitored for his safety.

The next step may also include moving to a different lifeskills facility, but we still don't know whether or not his application has been approved. Chris talked about it, and he seemed OK with the idea of strengthening his ability to live on his own, at least as much as he is able to at this point in time.
I reaffirmed his PMA and encouraged him to stay positive about another stint...
because from here-on-in, every little extra bit will help.

Whenever I visit I always try to work in some Sports stuff with Chris. Tonight there was some wailing and gnashing of teeth about the Bombers BOMBING in the Banjo Bowl. He howled when I told him about the "We Want Reinebold" headline on page one of the Sports section. He was having a laughing fit he thought that was so funny!

I also mentioned an AP story entitled "Brett looks Favrellous".
Now I was never the encyclopedic/analytical Sports guy that Chris was, and perhaps that worked wonders for our relationship over the years. Chris has endured listening to my kvetching about trivial superficial aspects of professional sports..such as the merkin pronounciation of Favre as Farrrrvvvv.

For whatever reason, Chris has always got a real kick out of my nit-pickety pet-peeve about Farrrvvv. I can accept Favray, Favour, Fav, even Faveree, but seeing Farvrrvellous pushed me over the top. He laughed and laughed and told me who I needed to call and complain.

I mention this last bit only because I really love hearing Chris laugh again...
because I know for certain, that in that moment, he is free.

So let's see how Chris does in his "trial apartment" and hope for the best. If afterwards he realises that he probably needs more help, and owns up to it, that will only improve the quality of his recovery and increase his chances of regaining a more independent existance.

2009-09-12T18:16:00.007-05:00

SHORT n SWEET!

Late last night I snuck in some Pizza and a Pepsi for Chris.

He was busy entertaining guests..la-di-da...and visiting hours were pretty much finito when it was my turn so we had a quick visit.

Chris was in a good mood and it was nice to see him getting some attention..it was Friday night afterall. Anyway we didn't get a chance to do much chinwagging.

I brought along some pictures to pin on his wall One of them was this shot that I took of my Lilly that morning before it fell over from the deluge.

Many of you may be unaware that Chris was a bit of a Flower buff and he constantly offered advice on how to manage my backyard...for years.

I also made a copy of the picture I snapped of the family members who attended a meeting this week...I realised that I forgot to show it to Chris.

There is stuff happening and preparations are being made to accomodate Chris's imminent exit from the institution...I'll have more on this in the near future. Right now everybody wants Chris to take advantage of his stay and (re)gain as many Lifeskills as possible before he leaves.

Chris of course is anxious to get out and who can blame him? Next week could bring some important developments on his journey "home".

Hopefully I will be able to report on some of the opportunities in the works that are designed to challenge Chris and prepare him for a more independent Life :)
Here he is thanking me for the contraband.

If you do have the opportunity please write or call Chris and/or plan a visit.

2009-09-07T13:49:00.009-05:00

September Long

I had an awesome visit with Chris this morning.

I brought along my camera to snap a few update shots and to show him some of my Summer photos from my blog..

which he still always asks me about..

he is so considerate and thoughtful.

It was so great listening to him laugh.

Here he is phoning my wife to say "Hi" and make fun of me...

I won't print what he called me but I consider it a term of endearment :)

A quick background. I know that this part of the blogosphere isn't about me, but Chris was and remains the most supportive fan of my blog. He asks me about it everytime we visit.

We met in College while taking Creative Communications back in the late 70s..he went on to work in Print and I in TV. Even though he is a "real" writer/editor, he still managed to overlook my obvious shortcomings and continually encouraged me to keep at it. I will always consider him my Editor Emeritus and value his input.

Chris was very upbeat and bright. Things are starting to happen.
Plans are being made for the next step in his recovery.

Hopefully this will all come together in the very near future and Chris can start the next phase and enjoy a little more independence.

He needs to keep adapting and re-learning but I feel a lot more confident about his prospects than I did one month ago. Chris seems to be more positive and perhaps he has started to sense that change is in the wind.

We're all expecting Chris to turn another corner in the next while :)

I have to tell you that when his lunch arrived, he matter-of-factly sat up and spun around..I just stared for a moment...and realised that he has come such a long way. I said "hey you just"...and he said "oh yeah".

His wonderful sister arrived and brought him a real homemade barbequed Burger!...

how awesome is that?

We both agreed that Chris isn't really aware of his progress.

It's September Long and Summer is over so Chris is right on schedule. Chris has some new things to look forward to. After today's visit I can honestly say that I am excited and optimistic about his success...sure there will be more disappointments and setbacks...
but he seems to bounce back every time something went askew.

Good for you Chris!

2009-09-03T08:37:00.004-05:00

I should leave the last CHRIS WAS IN HIGH SPIRITS post up for a while.

There seems to be a rhythm to the tone of our meetings...
good-
not-so-much-
good-
not-so-much-
good-
not-so-much-
good-
not-so-much-
good..

seriously?!
I'm not sure why that is or if I imagine it. It is unrealistic to hope that every visit is cheery and filled with laughter. I expect to do a lot of listening and hand holding because Chris has waaaay too much time to sit and think about all of this. My wish is that he finds that positive "thread" dangling and hangs on for dear life...which is hard enough for most to do.

There are a few encouraging things in the works of which I'll write about in the very near future. We're hoping that Chris gets to meet some people who have overcome this experience. They might have a lot more credibility and he may be reaching some level of "familial fatigue". Which is why I think it is important for Chris to reconnect with the rest of the world.

In the meantime I want to encourage the local people to make a brief call or visit if they get a chance. Chris is usually finished most of his work by 3ish.

fyi: I am printing out letters and home-made get-well cards that people send from out-of-town & overseas.

Thank You all for the encouragement...
hopefully Chris will start using his laptop and then you can connect directly.

2009-08-24T20:59:00.003-05:00

Chris was in high spirits tonight.

photo from Gerry

I was there along with a sister & brother in law and we had an awesome visit. I haven't heard Chris laugh like that for some time...he had to tell us to keep it down a few times out of concern for his roomies.

I noticed that Chris was able to pull a few names out of the blue as we discussed a myriad of topics. It's both interesting and encouraging to see how his memory is mending. I noticed that he doesn't seem surprised when he recalls details either.

He commented on how strenuous his therapy has been and how much he enjoys his therapists. I'm writing this down because I don't want to lose the elation that I felt at seeing him laugh and forget about his predicament for a while.

He answered a few calls while we were there. I would like to encourage you to phone and just give Chris a quick hello if you have time.
I'm certain that Chris would love to hear from you even for a few minutes..just a little call about what you've been up to would make his day and keep those synaptic channels popping :).

It was great to hear Chris laugh and he had no problemo telling us when it was time to get settled in. I hope that he has "sweet dreams" and remembers how much fun we all had tonight.

2009-08-20T21:07:00.003-05:00

I visited Christopher today and he said that he has not received many phone calls on his bedside bed. That email number DOES NOT WORK and nobody there can answer questions. You can email me and I can print your message or photo but Chris still doesn't read much. I tell him who said HI or left a comment.

I try to get him to read the "paper" and coax him to pick up the laptop, but he is not ready.

If you would like to have his phone number just email me . Keep in mind that Chris can only handle short calls..but that's fine. Just keep it brief and let him know that you are thinking of him. He does have therapy mid morning and afternoon.

Chris was moderately annoyed about being "institutionalized" as he put it, and just wants to get out, go home, and be with his kids.

It was yet another dreary, raining, night, and I felt equally depressed. This entire experience has been framed in this endless drizzly blah Summer...
I'll never forget it.

Not much change. Chris tells me that the physio therapy is quite a bit more intense and challenging. He wasn't as "bummed out" as he has been on other visits. He told me that it feels like a bad dream and hecan't believe that he doesn't just wake up..and it's over.

So having got that out of the way we sat back and watched some TV. He said that he was tired and he likes to watch a few shows before he falls asleep. Chris put his headphones on and smiled at me and we watched the Office. He would laugh out loud and luckily I've seen most of the episodes so I knew what he was laughing about. He took off the phones and apologised.."You can't hear this?"

I said, "that's OK, I've seen it before." Chris smiled and put the phones back on. I patted him on the shoulder and just sat there. It was nice just being there and listening to him laugh. :)

2009-08-16T23:26:00.002-05:00

Chris was a little down yesterday..but it was raining and grey. He did get moved by a window while I was there so hopefully that will cheer him up a little.

Sorry for the lull in reporting about his condition but I had been vacationing and to be honest I was a little nervous about having been away but Chris seemed forgiving.

I listened to him discuss his feelings of imprisonment and looked for clues about his current frame of mind. There were no signs of delusion or confusion..just an understandable longing to go home and be with his kids. His brief compilation of recent events was very touching and made it tough to try and maintain a brave front. There was a sadness in his eyes and all I could offer was a hug and some light hearted banter.

I asked him how the therapy was going and with a concentrated effort Chris raised his right arm for me. After getting him in a chair we took off and went exploring...we stopped at various spots and discussed the News of the day but truth be told he still doesn't seem to want to read anything.

Chris has a phone by his bed and I am conferring with his family about making his new phone number available. I told Chris that I was collecting numbers and that he should call people... but he seems overtly self conscious and hesitant. I tried to convince him that there were a lot of old friends who just want to say HI and chat for a few minutes.

Now the concern is that if everybody called at once or his phone rings off the hook for a few days it might totally overwhelm him... so ideally some sort of logistical procedure needs to be in place..at least in the beginning..but I don't know how to organise that.

I'm inclined to just let the "Force" work that out.

Now he also has his laptop however operating it will take a little time. Obviously this will be a fantastic way for everyone to communicate with Chris and it will allow him to respond on his terms. He would feel a sense of accomplishment and some control over his environment which would be a huge boost.
Hopefully he will agree to work on rediscovering his cyber self but again I don't know whether we are supposed to wait for him to feel ready or just go-for-it and make it happen?

All of his sibs understand that hearing and seeing others would greatly lift his spirits and encourage him. We also know that he is quite concerned about how he presents himself and this seems to dampen his desire to meet & greet others.

You will soon make your own evaluations but as I reminded him, a few weeks ago we were happy to see his eyes open! I am betting that once he gets a few short calls under his belt and then a few brief visits, that he will realise that everyone just wants to be there for him. He doesn't need to worry about how he sounds or comes across.

Sometime this week I hope to be able to release his number and hopefully, somehow, Chris will not be overwhelmed and innundated with a flurry of calls.
Chris needs as much encouragement as possible to catch the next wave and keep on keepin' on.

2009-07-31T15:28:00.006-05:00

Chris was a happy camper this morning when I went to visit him at the rehab centre. He had just been assessed by the staff and was just about to meet his Mom & Sister for Lunch in the cafeteria.

We went for a quick spin around the place and he seemed to be very pleased with his new surroundings. I suggested that he start racing his wheelchair against other patients down the huge stretch of hall on the Main floor...
to make a little cash on the side, he said, "set it up" :)

From what I understand the gameplan is for Chris to hit the ground running in a program that involves both Occupational and Physical Therapy that will build on his steady progress. He will have assigned professionals helping him to recover the skills that he'll need to take the next step.

This environment should have a more consistent feel than the hospital, although I was impressed by so many of the staff at the HSC who were really wonderful and made Chris feel important.

Hopefully Chris will get a phone by his bed within the next few days. If you would like to email me your number I can print out a call-list. Hopefully Chris will start making calls on his own which could mean that you might get one in the middle of the night :)

He gave me a quick call from his sister's cell last night..he acted all cool..
"Yeah hi it's Chris..what are ya doin? I moved today, yeah I'm out of the hospital..."
It was awesome.

If you would like to send Chris a message here is the email address (copy or click)
dlcvolunteers@deerlodge.mb.ca
Apparently the volunteers will print them up and hand deliver...at least that's what it said on the bulletin board.We'll get a folder for him to collect all of his messages and return addresses. Hope they have a good printer :)

Hopefully once he is ready,Chris will get on his laptop and start reciprocating. I have no doubt that he will feel his spirit soar once he discovers how many people he has pulling for him. Once he's back online with his blogmates, co-workers, family and friends, he'll feel re-connected.

We used to talk at length about how much intimacy and camaraderie you can actually extract from the cybersphere. For the past few years Chris has been ensconced in several venues of social networking on the Interwebs. He felt right at home teasing, discussing issues, exhorting and comforting others from all walks of life in different corners of the globe.

Chris has a natural effortless way of connecting with others. People sensed that he didn't have a huge bloated ego, a litany of complicated "issues", or a sketchy hidden agenda. He was quite discerning and selective, very loyal to those who earned it, he even withheld their secrets from moi!?..and yes I'm not proud of it but sometimes I'd prod and plead for the scoop but no way jose.

Chris made others feel safe...why am I telling you? You already know all of this.

So here he goes on to the next stage. We all fully expect Chris to surprise the experts again and make some impressive strides by Autumn. I am very hopeful that this stage of his recovery will be a very positive experience and that Chris will quickly regain his skills and strength...and so say all of us!

2009-07-29T09:22:00.010-05:00

CHRIS IS MOVING!

Yesterday when I went to the hospital Chris told me that I should have called ahead first because he might have already been moved to the rehab centre..

don't-cha-know!

That is the power of positive thinking in action.

Chris was in good spirits and he told me that the physio dude is making him walk :) a few steps along the handrail! He said that it was exhausting and I reminded him that a few weeks ago I was excited to see him open his eyes

This just in..here is how his sister described it today:

"I saw him in physio today and it was amazing. He is walking up and down a hallway using a modified walker (Instead of holding the handles with his hands, he leans his forearms on pads that are up to his armpit. His Physio walks behind him and holds the back of his pants for safety, but Chris is definitely doing the walking. He walks up and down the hallway, takes a short 2 minute break and then repeats. Today, he did it four times (back and forth X 4), which is one more time than yesterday."

I am trying to convince him that he needs to have his laptop so that he can receive e-mails from all of his friends..I could enlarge the font and he could even try tapping out a few replies. I'm also still trying to convince him to meet & greet more people which he said he could do when he gets to the rehab centre.

I have no doubt that Chris will be more positive when he gets out of the hospital..here he sees so many people in various states of disrepair come and GO and it drives him crazy because he seems to think that they all get to go home!

His transfer could happen any day now so cross your fingers and toes.

I hope that people forgive me for not posting as often but Chris has stabilized and seems to be making slow/steady progress...good days and bad. I did mention that I wouldn't report on every visit because this could (will) take months and years.

My hope is that Chris will take over blogging about his recovery by Christmas..which might seem far fetched but why not? Besides my conjecture about how he is really feeling/thinking are like shadows on the cave wall.

I would love to know how Chris is following his thoughts down the rabbit hole.

I have witnessed moments of lucidity that overwhelm him, vanish, and reappear.

I miss Chris. He is my talk/rant/tease-about-anything-in-the-world guy. For years we have had weekly meetings where we yak about everything from fears & failures to world politics, religion, and complete utter bullsh*t..do you know how few men have this luxury?

I knew how lucky I was and I never dreamed that I'd lose this. NFW!

I fully expected the two of us to maybe expire earlier than some because of our bad habits, but not for another decade. It's weird but I just assumed that he was going to be my for-sure "constant". It's only been two months but I have really felt the impact of this awful experience..

I know that this sounds selfish but we connected 30 years ago and that's a long time.

Chris and I took turns kicking each other in the ass when we did something stupid BUT we also congratulated and encouraged each other..

and when he patted me on the back it really meant something because I knew that he really cared.

So I want him to come back as far as he can. He is coming to grips with his predicament and I told him that he needs to fight for as long and hard as he can before he can know what his life will be like.

I remind him how amazing it is that we are even having a conversation!

But it is easy for me..I can just stroll off the ward and drive home.

I'm not THERE trying to piece together the enormity of reconstructing my LIFE.

I hope (how many times have I used that word on this blog?) that Chris finds the strength to keep this Sysuphusian ordeal of rolling the damn ball back up the hill. I have tried to imagine what rolls into his head when he wakes up in the morning. He tells me that he still can't believe that this happened..

neither can I..

and I hope that he knows how much we all want him to keep trying. I know that it might never be the same but I don't care.

It was his big heart, easy laugh, and goofy grin that won me over three decades ago. At the core Chris is a big mush who gave more than he took.

How many of "them" do you get to meet in this world?

Newsflash 9pm;

Chris is being transferred to the Rehab Centre Tomorrow Morning!

2009-07-23T08:48:00.003-05:00

As of yesterday Chris has officially (we are told) been moved to the top of the list to be relocated to a rehab centre. This cannot happen too soon for him, he is ready to go.

Chris & brother Gerry

Yesterday morning he seemed pleased with himself after having endured a 20 minute "encounter" with 5 doctors.
"When they asked me what year it was I said it 2009 :)."

Chris thought that they were being tricky because they acted so casual about the question..which btw he could NOT have answered correctly a few weeks ago.

I must confess that last week's grim pronouncement about his future by one of the Neurologists took the wind out of my sails.

Since then we have learned that not all of them share that dire prognosis...and here is the phrase that we've all been looking forward to hearing: it's too early to tell!
Which is exactly what we had originally thought.

Just so you know, Chris is still hesitant to have others visit, I don't think that he understands how much people want to see him or how far he has come.

Most of us think that it would be good for him to meet some old friends..recapture some images and faces ..reconnect more passages..stir some memories...we're working on it!

The best guesstimate for him moving is within a couple of weeks but let's hope that it happens rfn. It would be such a morale booster for Chris to get a change of scenery.

2009-07-15T12:41:00.004-05:00

This morning I found Chris parked in front of the hustle & bustle of the Nursing station. I told him that I needed to take some "upbeat" pictures to show everybody how he is doing.

Chris said...

We snuck out of his ward and went for another spin around the hospital.

Chris and I went out-of-doors for some fresh air but the weather wasn't very nice and the perpetual construction noise made us wonder whatever happened to the old Quiet Hospital Zone rules?

When a Bus showed up he told me to put him on it.
I said, "Hey Chris where do you want to go?"

On our way back I parked him in front of the admitting station and made him confess in a loud clear voice...

He thought that was funny :)

We arrived just in time for his physio session. With very little help Chris can now stand up straight for about 5 minutes..he did it 3 times. He can contract his "frozen" right hand into a fist and move his right leg around.
He was even tossing a squeeze ball around with one of the staff.

The news in the last posting was rough so I just wanted everyone to get a clearer image of who I see when I am visiting. Oh sure a lot of things are still muddled and confusing for him but we still have fun. Chris may have a long way to go but when I look back a few weeks, I can hardly believe how far he has come.

2009-07-14T08:58:00.004-05:00

Yesterday, after 8 weeks of speculating and hoping that Chris would soon be moving on to the new stae of the art Rehab Centre near my residence, We all received a heartbreaking evaluation.

Last night we were told by a Neurologist with 26 years of experience that,

"Chris is unable to make decisions without assistance and guidance and his memory is significantly impaired to the point where he might never be able to live alone."

"Chris requires supervised 24 hour care. The doctor claimed that the MRIs, CTs, and Angio scans show that multiple strokes have damaged numerous areas of the brain which (they tell us) cannot heal."

"This part of the brain manages insight, judgement, reality and memory."

The Doctor is therefore recommending that Chris be transferred to a different facility, which offers long term care and treatment for patients with similar significant brain trauma/stroke injury.

I should add that the Doctor asked Chris "to prove her wrong".

Thank Goodness his sister was with him when he heard this. As you can imagine Chris was devastated. He knows/understands what is going on but I can't tell you if or how much of the enormity of it all registers. According to his sister he was understandably overwhelmed.

I went to see him this morning. I was hoping that we can somehow make something positive out of the fact that he will be getting out of the hospital.

This is depressing, terrible, news but we still need to spin it into something good for Chris to build upon. Chris needs to feel like he is getting ahead and moving forward. I have no doubt that Neurologists are accustomed to being proven wrong on a routine basis...we are talking about the human brain, and if anybody can prove them wrong it will be Chris.

Yesterday morning I was at the hospital (partly to check up on his Mom who is his vigilant guardian angel) and along with one of his sisters, we actually saw Chris standing with his physio! I remember thinking how fantastic it was to see Chris standing up.

This morning I stole him from his Mom and made her take a break. Then I brought him outside..I wanted to see how much of the situation had registered. Once we were alone he asked me to find a way to help him escape. Unfortunately Chris is still convinced that there is a conspiracy to keep him imprisoned.

He is also having some problems with the short term memory loss...which may be a small blessing in disguise because I could distract him by taking him on a half hour stroll of the labyrinth in the hospital. We eventually went back to his ward where he shaved (mostly by himself with an electric razor) and as the Orderly finished the hard to get spots, we joked about keeping a moustache..Chris seemed at ease. For a time I sat with him in front of the bustling Nursing Station and he appeared to be miles away and untroubled by his recent news..

I was afraid to talk and risk breaking his state of temporary tranquility.

Now I am still processing all of this..I want Chris to prove them wrong.. I know that it has only been eight weeks and at the same time it has been over eight weeks!! I suppose I had convinced myself that I wouldn't notice any real change for months as the brain healed? The fact that an experienced medical practioner made such a devastating evaluation of his future quality of life has me puzzled. I had lowered the bar far enough to make allowances for more time so I'm out of sorts now.

This opened up a whole new set of questions and obstacles. We're waiting for more answers. Either way whenever I visit I still need to be as positive as possible and if Chris moves anywhere he will think that he IS making progress right? It will take a while for this to sink in...and my faint hope clause is still in working condition. Maybe that's naive wishful thinking but this isn't over until Chris decides it is...and I am certainly not going to give him a reason to stop trying.

I can't tell by looking at this photo whether it is a Sunrise or a Sunset?

Prove them wrong Chris..go ahead...prove them wrong.

2009-07-10T09:37:00.005-05:00

Yesterday afternoon I found Chris in a wheelchair parked in front of the busy Nursing Station. He waved and smiled as he saw me coming down the hall. It was such a treat (for both of us) to see him out of his bed. I usually don't get there until the evening so I miss this part of his day.

Chris was quite intent on figuring out what the staff were doing. There were people darting in and out carrying all sorts of do-dads and what-nots, while others were busy answering phones, checking charts and computer screens. Chris could not stop himself from speculating upon the events.

He said that,"all these people are busy trying to figure out how to get me out of here...should be in a couple of days now."

While that is obviously not entirely true, it is a great attitude for him to have and I concurred that he was "prolly right". I said prolly because it drives Chris craaaazy and he gave me heck for it right then and there! The staff thought that was pretty funny.

I was informed that I could take Chris outside for a while :) so off we went. That was so much fun. I pretended to ram his feet into the elevator doors & walls, told him that we should play hide and seek to see how long it would take for his ward workers to find him..he enjoyed all the goofing around. Chris especially enjoyed our sojourn into the sunlit world outside of his prison.

Chris enjoyed all the commotion..construction, traffic, birds chirping, planes overhead, and he really liked eavesdropping in on the other inmates who were discussing and comparing the severity of their afflictions with each other.

One of the most puzzling bizarre sights that you always see is the ubiquitous hospital O2 Smoker? Even the most cynical amongst us must realise that if oxygenating your lungs requires a nasal tube attached to a small tank of Oxygen, that you prolly shouldn't be frickin' smoking HELLO!

Chris was mesmerized by the frail looking O2 Smoker who looked like she would have to get better just to die! I reminded Chris that he (we) had inadvertently QUIT 7 weeks ago and that now he needed to think of himself as an Ex-Puffer.

Hopefully this sinks in because he does talk about it and all of us have threatened him with a quick retribution if in the future we ever catch him trying to sneak a puff :( I was a light smoker (Chris was a pack-a-day'er) and after witnessing the brutal effects of the stroke, secondhand, it was a no-brainer for me...
and that's the end of my preachy sermon.

On our way back to his ward it became evident that some of Chris's social filters are still not working at full capacity although his commentary on women's fashion was most entertaining and informative. Most of the seasonally clad young ladies in the hallway seemed oblivious to his comments which although unwarranted, were definitely flattering :)

When we made it back to his ward it was Suppertime! I sat with him and watched him eat. Chris can feed himself with his left arm (I helped him a bit with the soup and cut up his food) and he ate the entire portion..as well as a chocolate bar that his sister had left.

We watched the news and talked about the Thunderstorm that had hit the city in the morning. A few areas in town had their power knocked.

I said,"See Chris, this is like you, lines are getting reconnected and things are getting back to normal." He laughed and nodded his head as he sipped on his Tea.

It was probably the best visit that we've had so far and I am "banking" this experience for the next not-so-great day.

2009-07-06T07:35:00.002-05:00

I saw Chris on Sunday night. He was quite animated and told me in no uncertain terms that his right side is "frozen". I hadn't seen him for a few days because I was out-of-town and he was very chatty.

Chris looks healthier and his speech has improved..it isn't as laboured and deliberate as it was. He didn't hesitate and search for words as often.

Chris made a lot of jokes about stuff...some of which I can't repeat but most of which I regard as "normal" guy-talk :)

I noticed that the horrible fighting program was on his TV so I switched it over to the Discovery Channel to watch a spectacular documentary about the Ocean. Chris accurately identified a surprising number of the featured marine creautures...and he was most emphatic about his factoids.

This really seemed to capture his imagination but the best moment was when the program was focussing on the giant kelp beds.

I asked him what that was and he said, "KELP..I need somebody". We both cracked up at his little Beatle reference...which to me signals a real ability to manipulate information in the here & now. Right? You need to be on the ball to do that.

I mention this because Chris was still casually chatting about some weird stuff. I'm just believing that his bizarre notions are temporary and part of the healing process. Chris did pass an examination last week that determined he was able to make decisions and select others to help him safeguard his personal affairs so that was encouraging.

Chris looks healthier, he has some colour in his cheeks, he was happy and seemed optimistic that he would be leaving soon. This week I will try to find out when the medical staff thinks that his departure plan can be put in motion.

2009-06-30T22:13:00.004-05:00

When I arrived at the hospital tonight I could hear Chris laughing from halfway down the hallway. As I turned the corner there he was visiting with his two favorite people on the planet, his kids.

I haven't said much about his kids and that has been intentional...the main reason being that I went through "this" when I was his daughter's age, except my Dad died in the hospital.

I remember how all of the adults showered me with niceties and platitudes...they thought that they were protecting me somehow..but it clobbered me like a tsunami and altered the course of my Life.

They will have to grind their own way through the myriad of possible outcomes and ensuing implications of this event. Their Uncles and Aunts are there at the ready. This comeback is a team effort.

Seeing the smile on Chris's face tonight while he was with them says it all. When he comes back, for the most part it will be for the three of them.

Tonight Chris was very chatty and goofy..we laughed at a lot of his zany madcap ramblings..I wasn't always sure that I should be laughing but it was better than crying. Who knows if he'll have any recollection of his natterings?? I doubt it.

He told me about some really weird sh*t that he said happened today, but I just reminded myself that his brain had been unplugged, he is working his way back, and every now and then he's going to be making up some wonky crap, and that's Okay.

His BP was taken while I was there and it's still nice and low..he's eating well, I fed him a couple of chocolate bars, he's sleeping better, getting rehab. I reminded him how amazing it is that he has come this far...
3 weeks ago we were all still living on pins and needles.

Now Chris is quite interested in his mental rehabilitation..he makes jokes about how he is going to bust-out of the hospital. He is soooo ready to get out of there and he told me that there isn't any reason why he can't go on to the rehab centre...
which will be great because it is a ten minute bike ride from my house :)

So we're all still hoping that any day now, we'll find out that Chris can be transferred over here .

((Any day now, any day now, he shall be released))

2009-06-28T11:44:00.011-05:00

Here is a photo of Chris and his brother taken this weekend.

As you can see Chris has had his hair cut and he was also out of the hospital gown and wearing shorts & a real shirt..he looked pretty snazzy!

To be honest I had taken a few pictures before but Chris looked pretty beat up and out of it so I didn't post them. I took them so that later on I could show Chris how far he has come.

I probably shoulda-woulda-coulda posted a few of the ones that I cleaned up to look like this..

because I'm sure that most of you were anxious to see how Chris looked..
seeing is believing.

Today Chris was in a very good mood.
We called my good-lady-wife on the cell and I tried to encourage him to chat with some more people but he said maybe tomorrow.
He is still a little concerned about his ability to speak which btw has really improved during the last week and a half.

Throughout our visit he was joking around, laughing, and being
((REALLY LOUD))

Chris makes an effort to display his ability to reach over to his tray, take a drink off the counter, have a sip and put it back. He seemed more comfortable today, he wasn't squirming around as much.

Chris was very chatty today and in between schmoozing the nurses, he had a running commentary on each of his roomates. There appear to be a few glitches concerning his adherence to, how shall I phrase this, proper hospital internment etiquette.

Let's just say that some of his societal modification "filters", the cognitive governors which moderate our interaction with others, and enslave most of us during our adult lives, seem to be a little off kilter at the moment.

I'm not certain how the Doctors have defined this behavior, but I am believing that it's another tick that will just have to work it's way through.

Let's face it there are statistics and patterns but brain-attack victims make their way back on their schedule. The brain is a mysterious mystical organ. I wish that I knew more but honestly, I never expected Chris to just wake up and hit the ground running.

Oh I'd gladly take a miraculous recovery, but realistically, I was anticipating a few months of weirdness...for lack of a better term.. I think we were all glad that this was going into the long-haul because the alternative was unthinkable :(

Chris and I also discussed the news of the day (what else, Michael Jackson) and the weather (Weekend Monsoons have lifted) and the appalling youthfulness of the Hockey draftees.

I wanted to take him out for a stroll but the single "chair" in his ward was occupied until after lunch. He was much more calm and compliant than a few days ago and he didn't argue with me about trying to get out of bed.

So this week the physical stuff is stable so now we are waiting and hoping that any psychological damage is mending too.

2009-06-26T10:26:00.000-05:00

This ordeal is fast approaching week 6 so Good News needs to travel fast.
Here is an update from a sibling;

Yesterday one of the physiotherapists told Chris's Mom that
"Chris will be able to walk at some point!"

The Physio is not sure when or how (and Chris may need a cane) but he will walk.
Chris is also getting some increased sensation and movement in his arm.

The Speech Therapist said that Chris's swallowing mechanism is perfect.
Chris is now eating solid foods. She said that "his speech is improving hugely" and has started some speech therapy with him.

Chris will be in the hospital at least another 5 days, he has 4 days of antibiotics left, and then hopefully he can move on to the rehab centre and get a fresh start on his recovery.

Make a wish, cross your fingers, light a candle, petition the favour of the personal deity of your choice, do whatever it is that you do, but, let's get Chris out of the hospital.

2009-06-25T08:16:00.000-05:00

Guess who has figured out how to hoist his body into a sitting position, hook his strong left leg over the edge of the bed, and launch his body onto an unforgiving hospital floor. The 24/7 constant care folks are back to make certain that Chris doesn't attempt this again.

Last night he was happy to see me for about 5 minutes..then his mood changed drastically as he became agitated and determined to get out of bed to go to the bathroom on his own.

Unfortunately, for the time being anyway, it is physically impossible... but try telling him that..he was quite stern with me and was less than impressed with my rebuttal. I had to gently contain him (man is he ever strong) and received an earfull of very bad words for my efforts.

That's OK because I believe that his fierce countenance and determination will allow Chris to make huge strides in his physical rehab. He calmed down after several other attendants convinced him to delay his expedition. Whew!

There seems to be a rhythm to these visits UP/down/UP/down but Chris is making progress..I certainly wasn't prepared for his current Houdini routine? I can appreciate that he wants to get out of there..well no I can't imagine how MUCH he wants to get out of there.

I will keep asking Chris if he is ready for some new visitors..I think that would do him some good, but so far he insists on waiting until he is in a better place..which I interpret as meaning the Rehab Centre as well as a clearer mind. Until then I will keep mentioning those of you who email & comment here. He needs to know that he is special...

..and speaking of special, his little episode last night is evidence that the mental and physical reconstruction sort of see-saw independently. My guess/wish is that the two will soon intersect and then Chris will be off to the races.

2009-06-23T06:27:00.000-05:00

Last night Chris was in very good spirits and we watched most of the Goldeyes (local Baseball Team) game on his TV.

Chris made the mistake of asking me how I was doing and he laughed as I kvetched about the heat n'humidity, the cankerworms denuding all the Elm trees on my street, the longest day of the year already behind us, all trite and ridiculous considering where we were...

we both instantly recognised how tedious and pedestrian my woes sounded and laughed.

I have always loved the expression,

"If I had your problems, I'd burn mine",

and if there was ever a time to invoke that adage, this was it.

I always sent Chris tons of funny/ridiculous/weird stuff and this was one of his favorites.

Last night Chris chuckled away as various hospital workers strolled by and chatted with us. We had a good laugh when one worker asked if Chris was my Dad..awkward..but I said no, he's my Grandpa!

It was great to hear him laugh because for years we would get together weekly to sip n' bitch about the same bloody things..start off with personal issues and digress our way down to the generic universal irritants: weather, traffic, global-politics, religious fanaticism yada-yada-yada..(obviously the topics and rhetoric were proportionate to the amount of discussion fluids being ingested :)

We'd rehash our ridiculously simple solutions to all of the endless circle of Life crapola and get it out of our system. My main objective was always to exasperate "Mr Devil's Advocate" because Chris would thrive on taking the other side just for the hell of it.

I had no choice but to construct the lamest, most outrageous, arguments to dismatle his veneer thin position. Once I got him to crack, laugh, and abandon his ridiculous, indefensible stance, we could move on. That was a great way to cauterize whatever "BS" Life was throwing our way that particular week.

So hearing Chris laugh means a lot to me. After a while he started to nod off..and snore...it's getting late...but he did wake up when an orderly and I started discussing the logistics of keeping Hugh Hefner sufficiently jacked on Viagra..

sneaky little bugger, Chris is always listening.

I just wanted everyone to know that Chris was having a very UP evening and it was quite a relief after the last weekend. I apologize for nattering about our relationship but when I think about Chris I think of LAUGHTER.

This week the family should get an indication of when Chris can advance to a rehab facility..it's time to move forward and everyone is hoping and praying that any of of Chris' outstanding medical issues have been stabilised/neutralised and that he can take the next big step.

2009-06-20T10:52:00.000-05:00

Saturday morning was very emotional. I felt compelled to not sugarcoat the incident and try to convey the sadness and frustration that Chris is experiencing.
His world is upside down and inside out.

I know that there are going to be mood swings and good days and bad days, but this morning, the enormity of the situation was overwhelming...and he was letting it out. You feel so useless standing there holding his hand and uttering those cliched positive phrases.

On one level you appreciate that he is cognizant of his predicament but you can't help but be angry/frustrated/saddened by the gut wrenching anguish of the WHY WHY WHY???

Chris is now in a room directly across from the Nursing Station and his window view is gone..he commented last week on how he wanted a change in scenery.

I just thought of this now..Chris has seen about 6 or 7 room mates come and go so in his mind he probably feels like everybody else is getting better and getting out! He was very interested in the 3 other patients in his ward room..he kept remarking on how they would get out before him.

What Chris really wants is to get out of the hospital. He's been there for 5 weeks now and I think that his appreciation of his progress is being overshadowed by his feeling of imprisonment.

He still has some confusion about the here & now but the single most consistent aggravation is his feeling of being trapped.

This week the Family is hopefully getting an overview of his condition and some semblence of which factors are delaying his advancing into a rehab facility. If Chris could get out of there it would definitely lift his spirits and he could feel like he is making some real progress.

Chris kept asking me "What do they want me to do?"..with regards to getting out of there...and I told him what everyone else is saying...be positive and look ahead, work at rehab (Chris said he always does more than they ask :)...and that other people have come back from the same place..so it's not impossible. Easy for me to utter. I'm not lying there trying to unwravel my universe with damaged pathways!

I told the visiting Neurologist (in the hallway out of earshot) that part of the reason that this "patient" is distraught has to do with the fact that he was especially meticulous at gathering information.

Not only was he a professional reporter, but on a personal level, Chris was preternaturally attentive..he zoned in on what the other person was saying.
He listened..I know that a few fellow reporters are reading this but I'm sure that you can appreciate what I'm trying to say. Most of us 'pedestrians' aren't quite as careful about listening..plus I should add a special disclaimer for Chris because my wife always noticed that for a "male" Chris was exceptionally accomplished at listening to what she was really saying :)

So for a hardcore info collector and analyzer this fuzzy state of existence is completely unacceptable. I personally think that Chris is far more frustrated than an average person because he had such high functioning information gathering habits and talents. So I completely understand why he is so f*cking mad!

I am really hoping that this week, a few more synaptic pathways open up and that Chris will start to recognise himself a little more..gain a little more confidence in his recovery and abilities. If he can start to feel a little more control over his circumstance then he can build on that.

2009-06-19T09:05:00.001-05:00

I have been to see Chris a few times this week and he is making progress.
His language skills and physical abilities are getting stronger...
quite remarkable considering where he was at only weeks ago.

Chris is trying to manoeuvre through the implications of his stroke which can be quite overwhelming at times, but I am encouraged by his resolve to get out of the hospital and go home. He has definitely had enough of being away from his own space.

He complains of not being able to get enough rest at night because of all the noise...which sounds odd because we think of hospitals as "quiet spaces" but when you are sharing a room with other patients (I think this is roomate number 5?) there are coughs, moans, beeping machines, intercoms, and various caregivers coming and going at regular intervals...who need to communicate and be understood so they usually TALK LIKE THIS.

Nothing terrible to report on the medical side the MRI and other tests have been regular so that is good. Chris recently talked to his Father and out-of-town siblings on a cell phone...which was brilliant...so maybe he'll feel up to talking to some other people soon.

He is still quite self conscious about being talked about and gets mad at me if I check the bedside journal while he is pretending to sleep :) He also has Batlike audio sensory so you can't even whisper things in the room that you don't want him to hear..
he hears everything!

Chris is getting wheeled out-of-doors by his steadfast Aid and biggest supporter, his Mom, who is there nuturing him every single day. She is quite proud of how well his physical and mental conditioning are coming along.
Chris is very lucky to have her, she is a Force Of Nature in action.

As I mentioned earlier, Chris is entering a routine and he continues to improve (ever-so-slightly) on a day by day basis, so these posts will be less frequent. The other "thing" is that as Chris becomes more cognizant of how much I'm blabbing about his recovery, the odds are pretty good that he'll get pissed off with me.
Most of you know that Chris is a fairly private person and when he finds out about this Blog, he will kill me!

Anyway, until that day arrives, I'll try to sneak out snippets about his recovery.

2009-06-15T22:39:00.000-05:00

I visited Chris for a few hours this evening and he slept through most of it.

I found it easier to understand his speech tonight..not sure if anyone else feels that way but he seems to have less hesitation and more confidence when articulating . That being said he was a little down today and he did complain about a few things..as he is well entitled to do.

His attending Nurse was brilliant as she took his bp (119/90something btw). He was quite despondent about his situation at that particular moment and She said, "Chris, 3 weeks ago you couldn't talk and now we're having a conversation".
He smiled back..the light bulb moment was evident.

Chris gets to go out-of-doors now so that must feel fantastic. He told me that physio is hard work. I said that it will be worth it and eventually he will get out of here..he still just wants to go home NOW!!

He was sleepy and the few times that he did hang out he seemed to leap from understanding his predicament to zany notions about who was visiting him in the hospital. I can see from the bedside ledger who has been there...he added about 5 people to today's roster..which is awesome, plus he mentioned that some of them were still out in the hallway..
which is cool...
whatever it takes for Chris to reboot & reconnect is working so I'll just smile.

I tried to explain that he needs to listen to more music but he informed me, in no uncertain terms, that perhaps I needed to "listen" to more music. :)
Maybe tomorrow eh?

I ran into an old friend who went through a stroke rehab with a relative and as many of you have written (and thanks for all the encouragement)..
this is about baby steps, micro-bursts of progress, regressions, plateaus and every victim of a brain attack seems to find their own pace..
there doesn't seem to be too many patterns or nice, tidy, little pie charts to follow.

Chris will get here when he gets here.

2009-06-13T08:41:00.000-05:00

Chris was wheeled out-of-doors yesterday and felt the sun shine on his face for the first time in weeks! He said that it felt wonderful.

Last night we watched game 7 of the Stanley Cup. Chris kept calling a lot of offsides that the refs apparently :) missed but he seemed to really enjoy the game.

He was teasing one of his sisters when I arrived. Chris was telling jokes and making funny expressions..really goofin' off.

I want to mention that I told Chris that I had to leave by 10 to go to the airport and pick up one of my daughters who was returning from a trip to the East Coast. When I told him which daughter he looked at me and said the name of my other daughter...which is really amazing because the other daughter was there the week before!! Now that surprised me and reassured me that Chris is quite focussed.

On the other hand Chris has some wonky ideas about who is actually visiting him in the hospital..and despite my initial attempts to clarify the situation he fiercely maintains that certain out-of-town siblings are in fact wandering about the hallway and coming and going throughout the day.

So now I just go along with his scenario and quickly change the subject to avoid his stern consternation...yes I suppose that is called enabling but wth..
the guy just rebooted his entire brain!

Overall I am greatly encouraged by his cognitive abilities and the progress that he is making on the physical side. His spirits are up..he even made a joke that I can't post :)..so I am assuming that we are now entering the months of rehab. As far as I know the latest results from the MRI are not back but the other tests were all "normal" so here he goes. It's weird but Spring was very late this year too..almost as if it was waiting for him.

I think that this blog will now turn to a weekly posting schedule (unless warranted) and that in itself is great news! I am so encouraged by the last few days because Chris had such a good attitude.

2009-06-12T00:55:00.000-05:00

Tonight Chris was joking around and in good spirits. His speech is still a little slurry and he does need to concentrate, but he is managing to convey most of his thoughts with aplomb. Chris watches intently to make sure that you are paying attention...which he has always done for as long as I have known him. One of the most intriguing things about Chris has always been that he actually listens to people and expects the same courtesy...imagine, in this day and age?

We discussed sneaking in the Gondola Pizza and watching the Stanley Cup finals and he was quite particular about it not being too hot. (It's still too early for Za but at our weekly meetings Chris would eat an entire LARGE pep/mush no problemo)

I know that he was feeling good tonight because Chris imitated my "laugh" which his roomate and guests enjoyed. Very funny.

Chris told me some interesting things, some of which didn't make make any sense but wth, I nodded and told him to keep talking. He smiled as if he knew what was happening and said that he wanted to punch me :) ..which is a sign of affection because Chris was totally convinced that both of his brothers were waiting in the hallway and said that he was going to punch them too :) He had a huge grin on his face and said that his brothers could take it but I couldn't :(

I asked Chris a few things about his day and he mentioned that the physio was hard. I asked him if he dreamed at night..he said No.

They were wheeling him off for another MRI @ 8:45 so I walked alongside his bed to the elevators, waved goodnight, and told him not to cheat on his test! As the elevator doors were closing I could hear him imitating my laugh again..
very funny.

2009-06-10T08:37:00.000-05:00

Last night I watched the 2nd & 3rd periods of the hockey game with Chris. I moved the curtain divider because Chris had a new roomate who desperately wanted to watch the game..Chris smiled at him and we had some genuine old-timey male bonding.

Chris was quite enthralled and remembered quite a few of the players. I made a remark about the size of a player being interviewed by a certain very tall CBC sportscaster, and Chris knew and told me exactly how tall that guy actually is.
The fact that he could grab that file in his head was comforting.

Chris was quite talkative and was all smiles at first but he suddenly made some very emotional remarks about his current predicament...a lot of WHY's? were tossed about. I've been waiting for this sort of thing to surface and it seems to occur more often with his daytime visitors.

His Mom and three sisters all live here and they have been incredible, vigilant, advocates. Both of his brothers have been amazing too but they live out of town. Chris was asking about them last night.. the short term memory is a little fuzzier and he was a little confused about when they were there last.

I told him and mentioned how awesome his brothers have been and he smiled.
I said it's interesting that one of them is so zen, uber-calming and peaceful and Chris said "Yeah, Peaceful" ....and after a brief pause, I said that the other was more like Foghorn Leghorn large and in charge and Chris roared...
A real honest-to-god out-loud laugh.

A short time later the mood changed and Chris became visibly angry...
I read in the journal that Chris had had a rough day. It's hard to watch him struggle to comprehend the situation and he is frustrated with his speech but he needs to let it out.

I was trying to sound encouraging. I told him that we all believe that he will be able to get up and go home. Chris grabbed my arm and asked "Why me and not you?" and for whatever reason I blurted out that my gene pool specializes in sudden heart attacks...we both laughed out loud.

I also tried to settle him down with a few songs on the discman/headphones that have been stuck in my head since this whole terrible thing started. Now I have forced Chris to listen to hundreds of songs over the past 30 years. Chris especially loves to hear an acoustic guitar at the forefront of a song (he plays his own) and he really liked these songs by Colin Hay ( Men At Work) the first time that I played them for him.

Lately I've been listening to them over an over..
the first one is called Beautiful World here...
and the other is Waiting For My Real Life To Begin
http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/c/colin_hay/

It may be overly optimistic to hope that Chris can zip through this anger phase.
As painful as it is to witness it is also a sign that my old friend isn't just laying there in a cloudy haze helplessly waiting for another setback...he is working through the realisation of his predicament.

This IS happening.

I tried to assure him that "THIS" is not where he will end up..
there is a long road ahead and there will be emotional outbursts from everybody.

2009-06-09T01:04:00.000-05:00

This evening I read in the bedside journal that Chris managed to lift up his uncooperative right leg during his physio!

His bp is still in the 140 range, he is eating things like scrambled eggs and awake for longer periods of time during the day. This evening he slept through most of our visit although he would occasionally peek over to see if I was there and he kept thanking me for coming??

I've tried to find a way of not discussing most of the agonizing emotional trauma that Chris is experiencing..as I'm certain most of you can appreciate. Every day he is clawing his way back to the external world...he has so much to process and despite our cheerleading Chris has a monumental task at hand controlling this avalanche of reality.

Now I personally believe that Chris is the type of guy who will be striving for the 9oth percentile but put yourself in his position? He has to somehow stay positive, face reality, while re-organising his neurological circuitry.

Tonight when he said "Sorry" as in causing all of this, I couldn't believe it...he's still thinking of others!

Chris tells his family every day "I want to go home".

I won't deal with specifics but there are are some troubling symptoms that something may still be posing a possible threat to his vascular system. Chris is doing very well on the rehabilitation front but internally there may be a few more hurdles. You know what? Everyfrickintime we get some good news there always seems to be something else going askew and every-single-time Chris has managed to inch forward.

He is back under 24/7 constant care as a precautionary measure and we are all hoping that the evidence points towards damage that occurred during the past weeks. As I said, Chris has managed to keep moving forward despite discouraging evidence from tests and everchanging data and images from within his body.

I don't want to mislead anyone..despite all of the good news, Chris is certainly not out of the woods yet..BUT, he appears to be stronger, for longer periods of time and he is persevering. We've been trained to expect all of those hospital miracles on TV to only take one hour and it just doesn't happen like that.

Chris is fighting as best he can, he has the prerequisite intestinal fortitude, he has guts and pluck..not to mention tons of love and support from near and afar, and dedicated professionals doing all they can..he just needs a real chance.
So far Chris has made the most out of a very bad situation and truth be told I would expect no less from a man of his caliber.

2009-06-06T20:38:00.000-05:00

Tonight Chris was very alert and he laughed quite often...with his smile and his eyes. When I arrived he had just received a wonderful makeover from his fabulous SIL and his brother was giving him the gears and Chris looked relaxed and relieved.

Chris is off the 24hr constant care, eating soft food, and apparently Monday he may be getting into a chair for some rehab!! His bp had been nice and low so hopefully this is another base that he is ready to round.

I watched him follow the first period of the Hockey game and I showed him that his soft restraints were untethered so that must mean that he has been trained..
he laughed...as I tied him back up!
and we both laughed at the constant care charts because I explained that these forms were used to document what his watchers were doing while they were in his room...mostly sleeping. Chris seemed to enjoy the joking around and I asked if he was ready for visitors and he said "not yet."

Chris seems to be making very good progress now and hopefully all the healing that needs to happen behind what we can see is on schedule. I think that his family is ready to watch Chris start making some real gains next week. This evening (Saturday) Chris looked much stronger to me.

2009-06-04T07:54:00.000-05:00

Day 19 and Chris continues to make progress. He has been ingesting the jello like it's going out-of-style OK but he did eat 3! and his blood pressure remains consistently lower.

According the Physio Therapist, Chris was able to offer some slight resistance with his uncooperative right leg! I don't want to jump the gun but that must have been very encouraging for Chris.

We've all been encouraged by the fact that he has had sensation on his right side (especially when his Mom is rubbing his arm) but we have been informed/cautioned that motion is another matter.

Still I was surprised (as in Fist Pumping surprised) but I know that I need to temper that by saying it is still very early in the rehab process and there will probably be as many ups and downs as there have been getting to this point.

It's very hard straddling the extreme whatif's looking for a place to land because we all want Chris to get a decent chance at a 99.9% recovery. Mr. Tenacity will give it his all because as most of you know, he is averse to idling and generally eschews the philosophical approach of I'll just sit around and wait and see what happens.

I don't want to speculate on this until I know more because Chris is just beginning his rehab and I hope...I know that he is full of surprises. He seems poised to give this physio a fair shot now that his bp is down and he is getting some nutrition.

I hope to visit later today...

UPDATE: 1 pm

Chris looked pretty good and he was propped up watching the telly with his Mom by his side. He almost laughed out loud when I came in and threatened to change the TV channel to a 24/7 Lou Dobbs station (Chris is not a big fan of bluster and indignation)..it's very encouraging to see his face light up a bit.

I stuck his glasses back on so that he could see a little better and when he tried to scratch his nose we both noticed that his soft tether was back on..which means that he was doing something that he wasn't supposed to be doing last night.

The Physio came in and put him through some rehab..she is so positive and exhorting and it was great to see Chris getting some exercise.

One further note to the sense of feeling on his uncooperative right side, apparently Chris can identify points on his right side that the Doctor was touching...even on the bottom of his feet.

I know that I seem to be painting images in very broad strokes and as you can imagine the family is now trying to absorb tons of information from many specialists. For every two bits of good news there always seems to be a caution about optimism and then a small setback occurs...it is simply a roller coaster ride and there seems to be as many new things to worry about as there are events to celebrate...
but I told Chris not to worry, we just keep moving forward..
a little bit more every day.

It will be comforting when Chris is able to get into some sort of routine and he can concentrate on specific tasks...
hopefully that can start happening next week?

2009-06-02T18:00:00.000-05:00

Just a quick note before I get to the hospital.
Right now everyone is trying to get answers that aren't yet available.

Yesterday and today this ongoing catheter/UTI situation seems to have been at the forefront along with the fact that despite being under surveillance 24 hours a day Chris pulled out his $%#@ feeding tube again!

The good news is that Chris' blood pressure (130s) is now back in the normal range which is very good news.

Chris seems to be sleeping for about 18 hours a day with brief intermittent periods of calm wakefulness, but we are all anxious for the physio to start.
Because we're dealing with the brain there is no magic crystal ball...
which is frustrating enough for all of us waiting on the outside so I can't imagine what it's like for Chris?

It's tough to sit back and wait to see how much of the damage is going to be present and to what degree it can be amended through rehab once Chris is able to stay awake for any length of time.

I suppose a positive way to look at this is that we all seem to be fairly comfortable that Chris is moving on to the next step so we shouldn't lose sight of that.
For a week we were worried about getting to this point.

I'll try and write some more when I get back and read the bedside journal.
I hope that I can get Chris to talk to me. I want to know what he is thinking?

I know that all of this second guessing doesn't help and although it is difficult to idle, the truth of the matter is that there is a lot of waiting to be done and there isn't much that we can do about that.

PART TWO posted at 10:14 PM

It was comforting to see Chris with the bed tilted up watching the Hockey playoffs.
The O2 and feeding tubes had been removed. They successfully handfed him some sort of jello stuff which he told his sister tasted awful..but he could swallow it!

He could move his head and neck around..his left arm was untethered and he could scratch his nose..he had his glasses on and he had been shaved so he looked better.
He said "HI" and smiled.

I sat and watched the game with him..I got him to smile (laughed with his eyes) a few times.
I told him that I was going to sneak in a Mushroom/Peperoni Pizza from Gondola (his favorite) and he also grinned when I mentioned that how great it will be to see the 8,000 ROUNDUP commercials during the game..it's a Canadian thing.
The biggest grin came when the NHL President was being interviewed but I can't tell you what I said in mixed company..but it was worth seeing the smile.

I asked him if he had any cravings (no), if he felt more awake in the middle of the night (no), throat hurt (no) and a few other things. He said it hurt when he had to go to the bathroom which I totally understand considering what he has had to endure during this recent catheter debacle. He still has a foley which he agitated by rubbing his left leg against it. He was quickly given something for his discomfort, tucked in, and instructed to go to sleep.

All in all I felt encouraged to see that he was up trying to watch the game..he dozed on and off..plus he "got" the jokes and seemed more rested. Having all the tubes out of his nose was great and hopefully he can eat normally and I can sneak that pizza in.

Chris you are amazing...we had a good visit and you cheered me up buddy.

2009-05-31T13:58:00.000-05:00

This morning things at the hospital have settled a bit..
a few more small steps forward:

Chris' blood pressure was down to 144/91 and

there is no blood in his pee which is draining in appropriate measures.

Hopefully this means that the Antibiotics have kicked in and that his bladder infection is being remedied. At least for now, a foley catheter has replaced the stressful ordeal of having a straight catheter 'applied' every couple of hours.

Chris was sleeping throughout the visit and he only opened his eyes for a few seconds. He did not speak to either his Mom or I while I was there...

but we both think we saw a glimmer of a smile while we discussed his improvement over "yesterday".

In yet another veneer thin excuse to get a rise out of him we discussed the NHL playoffs, world politics, the media, history, language, geneology...right over his head because we know that he is always listening!

Most of the time his Mom purposefully massaged that right hand and arm in order to coax Chris out of his slumber and tell her to "stop doing that",

but we both agreed that he seemed to be resting comfortably...

his face looked more peaceful, yesterday's grimace was gone.

Chris' family is now maintaining a bedside journal so that everyone can read and write during their visit and add something when the Doctor/Nurse is available or Chris has another procedure.

It's hard to believe but Chris yanked out his naso-small bowel feeding tube again so that problem isn't remedied..even with the soft restraint!

However the blood pressure is down, the antibiotics are working, but the catheterization remains a concern.

Now if Chris can stay on this course then he'll be another step closer to starting the physio and rehab. Once Chris gets to that stage these reports will probably slow down to once a week, then twice a month...and by then he will hopefully be answering his own emails and back writing his own stuff...

which will be awesome!

2009-05-30T11:58:00.000-05:00

This morning Chris is still fighting his bladder infection and he is on Antibiotics. When I arrived the staff was performing a temporary catheterization to drain and Chris was experiencing severe discomfort.

He received some meds for the pain, which seemed to kick in quickly, because for the next couple of hours, he only opened his eyes a few times and only for a few seconds.

I looked at the chart that the constant care assistants use to document their observations and it appears that Chris still 'sleeps' most of the time.
There are a few incidents marked 'awake but calm' and 'restless but no disruption' but fighting his infection is taking precedent and hopefully he will soon be able to do without any catheters.

Chris still has his small bowel feeding tube (most chemical digestion takes place in the small bowel) and the soft restraint on his frighteningly powerful left arm so that he doesn't yank it out again.

I would have liked to have heard Chris say something but as long as the pain had subsided his Mother and I were relieved. As she adoringly massaged her son's right arm she told me that yesterday morning he had a real rough time.

Chris sometimes awakens to tell her to stop rubbing his right arm..
which he can't move YET but he obviously feels something.

His Mom and I chatted about Chris LOUD ENOUGH FOR HIM TO HEAR EVERYTHING in a thinly veiled attempt to get a response..
nothing but snores, a few quick glances, and back to lalaland.

I am hoping to start posting the observations of his siblings in a few days so that everyone can get as much info as possible. Right now, more waiting to see if the Antibiotics can quickly cancel this urinary tract infection and Chris can get back on track with rehab & physio.

Another well wisher had mentioned something that Chris had recently posted and I thought that I should add it.
Chris had taken this photo and added this lovely sentiment..

2009-05-29T12:52:00.000-05:00

This morning Chris is having to deal with a bladder infection caused from a screwup with that $#%@ catheter. He has been in considerable pain and was able to tell his Mother and Sister that he is pissed off!

Unfortunately this is causing his blood pressure to spike again and it's back in the high 190+/100+ range. He is currently on an IV push of antibiotics and appparently the nurse is trying to get some portable monitoring device to see what is going on in his bladder. Hopefully they can get that under control stat!

The family is deeply appreciative of receiving so many offers to help acquire a chair for the physio/rehab...however at this point in his recovery, the exact model has yet to be determined, but I was asked to say Thank You.

Hopefully they get manage his pain RFN! and get that infection under control because Chris has made some gains and this setback was avoidable...Chris has a tough enough job to do.
Right now his bp needs to go down so that he can be properly assessed and from there, get out of bed and get on with the physio/rehab stage.

2009-05-28T21:32:00.000-05:00

Chris had a mild sedative and they were able to perform an MRI and guess what?
the artery is now open.

Plus his BP has been lower (130's for a while)
>the %#$@ catheter is out
>and he did get some physio but he was too loopy from the sedative.

All positive...
but he will need a tilt wheel chair for the physio (he's not there yet but closer) and the waiting list for those things is l o n g, so the family is looking into purchasing a tilt-chair. For anyone interested in helping make that happen (and many of you have already asked) when they get enough info on the right model, we'll set up a fund with a PO Box and I'll post it.

Chris was really tired today and didn't respond much although he did tap his feet to Pump Up The Volume by MARRS. He seemed less fidgety but really zonked..but he did just have a very busy day.

I didn't care..the Nurse told his sister and I so many positive things that we are now racing forward to the rehab/physio so that Chris can start to get medieval on his uncooperative right side.

I thought that the arterial blockage was a done deal? The last Doc made it sound final..maybe this is the collateral flow? Either way, I think that this is another benchmark. I know that there will probably be more downers on this Day-to Day vigil but overall my spirits were lifted.

Keep on keepin' on Chris.

2009-05-28T01:39:00.000-05:00

I know from the emails that I have received that many of you have gone through the agonizing trial of watching a relative or friend recover from a stroke...many accounts have been very encouraging.

Others have been searching the internet and sending me information, but most of you just want some answers and reassurance..so do I.

I'm not a professional reporter like Chris so I hope that you can appreciate that I am trying to relay information from visiting and observing Chris and from talking to his siblings who are at his bedside throughout various times of the day.

I'm writing this for Chris to read when he gets out and to let his friends, co-workers, and relatives get an idea of what happened, and what is going on.

That being said I know that I cannot be completely objective because we have been BfFF....three decades...

and this recovery period may extend into weeks and months.

As to why his rehab is delayed...

Chris still has very high blood pressure, his systolic numbers are frequently in the 190 range. Now I've heard that being hypertensive may be his body's natural way of maintaining circulation after enduring a vascular emergency...

but it is also stalling his recovery by impeding his physical rehabilitation.

His hypertension also makes it risky to sedate him enough to do another MRI.

*Any readers who have medical backgrounds and experience with stroke patients or others who have had to cope with a relative having a stroke, please feel free to clarify and expand. The more information the better and it helps to talk/write.

From what I understand there are plenty of drugs that can lower his blood pressure but it is dangerous to lower it too quickly.

I know that everyone is anxious to see him out of bed. Today one of his sisters said that Chris was assessed by the physiotherapist but there was concern about his blood pressure and that the loss of muscular control on his right side was prohibiting him from being moved into a Geri-Chair?

This was echoed by another sister who told me that once he is up, he is going to need an upright wheel chair (tilt & spin) to do his physio and apparently there is a waiting list for them!?

I wish that I knew when/why/how the Neurologist decides OK today let's try to carefully lower his BP...and how long can a bedridden person cope with hypertension? I don't know.

I try to remind myself that we're dealing with the human brain, the pinnacle of evolutionary engineering and in many ways as mysterious as the universe itself. This miraculous 3 pound gelatin super-computer lodged between our ears has some 100 trillion synaptic connections!

Apparently the brain cannot repair itself on a cellular level like a lot of our other organs in our body..it has to work with what it has...

but with so many avenues and connectors, it can and very often will, find a way to re-route signals.

So Chris, it's time to

Synap out of it!

Chris had clotting in his brain stem. That part of the brain is involved in the control of his cardiovascular & respiratory system, pain sensitivity, alertness, and consciousness!

Managing the alterations while maintaining the basics is a lot for him to handle..he can't just turn it off and reboot the program like a regular computer..

although ideally that's what we all desperately want to witness!

This waiting is compounded by our collective feeling of being of restricted by the complexity of the human mind and spirit...

but when I look at the tenacity and will power that Chris has always had,

I just know, of all the people that I have EVER met during my entire life,

Chris IS that guy.

2009-05-26T21:37:00.000-05:00

Chris was brighter today and one of his sisters was there when I arrived. Chris is now on 24 hour watch to ensure that he doesn't yank out the feeding tube in his nose again..unfortunately they had to restrain his left arm because he keeps sliding his head down just enough to pull it out...little bugger. So if family members are not present there is always hospital staff present.

Chris squeezed my hand firmly when I leaned over and told him that I brought the BIG ASS headphones for the ipod. I played We Are The People by Empire of the Sun and he grinned as much as he could with the left side of his mouth..it was fantastic!
His sister and I both laughed. Chris wiggled the fingers and foot on his left side to the music.

I played a few songs so that his sister and I could compare notes while he couldn't hear us. She thought that Chris was brighter today and hopefully there won't be any more mishaps with monitoring his catheter...he is now on antibiotics to rectify the situation. His sister said that their father is still stable and that Chris doesn't know and we'll leave it at that.

After a few tunes I got in his face and read Chris a few cards and letters from well wishers and recited a list of co-workers, college chums, and blogmates who have either sent emails or left comments here. Chris seemed to be following along and patted my hand when I had finished. I asked Chris if there was anyone that he needed to see right now and he said "no".

He then dozed off for a little while and when he opened his eyes, I asked him if he wanted his glasses on..."yes"..and then he tried to focus on the TV.. the weather channel was on but the picture was fuzzy..and I told him not to worry because it was fuzzy. I told him what day it was and he looked puzzled..I have no idea what his time reference is right now but he was in the now...he told his sister something about not being here on Thursday..I think that he was trying to make a joke.

He slept for a while and then he said (as best as he could manage) "how are you doing?" Well I nearly lost it but I just replied that we were all doing great as long as he kept feeling better everyday. He said " feels weird".

We just hung out for about another hour..he slips in and out but looked at me with what appears to be much more certainty..at least that's what I thought.

I told Chris about a few things that happened in the news, tried to reassure him that everything was being taken care of by his family and that all he had to do was to get better. He just squeezed my hand..moved his left leg up and down..he must be so tired of being in bed...I wish that he could move his right side but still no sign of that happening.

All in all a better day..still sleepy..I wish that I could tell you more hard Medical information but there doesn't seem to be anything new...just more waiting and today was positive.
So way to go Chris..just keep doing a little better everyday..whatever it takes.

2009-05-25T07:55:00.000-05:00

When I wrote this report yesterday I had initially included some other very bad news..I was tired and second guessed myself and decided to take it down. I kept thinking well, what if Chris reads this in a week or a month from now?
I don't want to upset him..I just want him to stay positive and focus on his recovery.

This morning I realised that by the time he is able to read this, that he will hopefully be strong enough to process it and who knows what will have happened by then. It was decided that we're not going to talk about this around Chris..we know that he can hear everything and his family wants to keep the flow on good vibes.

I am amazed being a witness to the strength and support of his family, that's why I am being protective...we all want to do whatever it takes to keep Chris comfortable and quiet and focussed on breaking through but his family needs support too. This is very draining on his beloved children, three sisters, two brothers, his Dad and especially his Mother.

Yesterday his Father had a heart attack..and as of late last night his Dad had been stabilized. I know (we all know) that Chris would be mad at me for not telling him but not right now...it's up to his family to decide the if and when Chris is strong enough to process that.

So we're not going to talk about his Dad in the hospital room because we know that Chris can hear everything. The stress level is high enough and it seems grotesquely unfair that Life has thrown another trial at them...they are incredible people but enough is enough.

2009-05-25T00:11:00.000-05:00

I spent about an hour & half with Chris in the evening. He was slipping in and out and didn't try to talk much..he squeezed my hand a few times. He managed to pull the tube out of his nose despite having a restraint and I had to put his little oxygen thingamabob back in his nose a few times.

The night shift nurse said that he had been trying to talk a bit more during the day so maybe he was tired. He is receiving heparin via a needle in his stomach and it must sting because he really winced and squished my hand when she put it in..poor guy. His blood pressure is still pretty high but he seemed to squirm less than other days.

I just stood beside him and rubbed his head...wondering when we are going to see some positive change...we had been led to believe that a critical period had passed so we keep hoping for a sign that he can break through.

2009-05-24T06:04:00.000-05:00

Christougher Cariou

I hope that you are able to read this in the very near future...

and start replying!

This is a place for your friends and family to say hello and exchange info on your recovery. We miss you.

2009-05-24T05:16:00.000-05:00

Chris..
this is a history of the events as they unfolded..

Hi everyone who reads this blog. This is Gerry, Chris' younger brother. I have some very bad news.

Chris collapsed at home today (his kids were there) and was rushed to hospital. He has suffered a serious stroke and apparently is close to death.I am replying to his last post cause I know some of you will read this.I think you all mean a lot to my brother so I thought I would let you know.Please say a prayer for Chris.
Gerry Cariou
11:46 PM

Just an update everyone - what Chris has is a blood clot in one of the major arteries in his brain. It is not something the doctors can operate on due to its location. It is a wait and see game but he is hanging in there like I knew he would.He is conscious and able to speak although his situation is critical.

Gerry
8:53 AM

I have just returned from the hospital and Chris said to thank everyone for the kind words and not to make a fuss.He is fairly lucid but very very tired, and he is slurring a bit, his headache comes and goes,but he doesn't seem to have lost any memory.

Chris was joking around even though he was very groggy...he thought that he'd be going home tomorrow..pfft..I tried to explain that he needs to just take it easy for a while.You'll be happy to know that he is teasing the staff..albeit in slow motion..but it's good to see that his personality remains intact.
I'm going back tonight after my daughter's dance recital...it's always surreal when events circumvent your routine..a great reminder that we should always embrace "ordinary" days.

Donn
4:04 PM

Hi everyoneas of around 9:00 PM May 17,
Chris was the same as what Donn describes albeit he was finally getting a bit of sleep.He is very tired and the time in emergency is starting to stress him a bit. It is very noisy and busy in the ward but they can't move him.As to treatment they are trying to determine why this event happened and to see if that helps them determine how to treat the clot, which remains near his brain.Wait and see for now...

Regards,Gerry
12:48 AM

REPOSTING this from my blog FYI:

Ok just left the hospital and Chris is getting admitted tomorrow which means that he will be shuffled to a quieter ward so that he can get some sleep..aside from his nagging headache he just wants to sleep...he did sleep a little but he is very uncomfortable and restless and the IV lines are driving him crazy.

The Emerg was super busy when I got there at midnight..packed with people, beeping machines and anxious relatives helplessly pacing about. As you can imagine, it would be nearly impossible to sleep under such conditions.I told him that I loved him but not enough to donate one of my brains. Anyway, hopefully they can transfer him this morning so that he can get some real ZZZ's.The situation could be much worse so I am grateful for small mercies.

Donn
1:28 AM

UPDATE:Chris looks much better than when I last saw him at midnight..he has been admitted into the Medical Ward and he had his MRA today..the results of which will prolly be explained tomorrow..along with the course of action..ie which clot busters they will use?

From a layman's point of view, his spirits were up, he had some colour, he had slept, he could get up and go to the washroom..although he did see stars after..however he was much brighter today.I don't know if he is out of the woods or not because he is still on heparin and I don't know anything about the clot busting drugs that will be administered.

Either way he was joking around and it was very encouraging..hopefully tomorrow will be even better.

Donn
5:59 PM

Hi all - this is Chris' brother Gerry.

I just got a call from my mom. Chris has been experiencing more "symptoms" which is not a good sign. He has been rushed to the Health Sciences Centre in an ambulance. This is the best equipped facility in Winnipeg for this issue. I don't know anything more. This happened around 9:30 or so.

That is all I know - waiting to hear more back from my mom or sister who have gone to that hospital. - I may be on my way back to the Peg.

Gerry
10:17 PM

It's 3 am I just got back..Chris had another TIA right in front of us and had to be intubated..he suffered some paralysis on his right side..the doctors decided to go ahead and try the clot busting agents which was very risky because he has been on thinners for 2 days and he had a lumbar fluid extraction..this is uncharted territory but they went ahead because there are two clots.

The first one has hardened and the second one that formed caused the latest TIAs and the effect was the loss of his right side...we waited and the doctor said that he had responded and had regained the use of his right side but he was still very susceptible to having a major bleed.

Basically they were trying to get Chris back to point B and once stabilized hope that the body would start deconstructing the first clot which is now hardened.So tonight he is being moved into the ICU and sedated so that his body can try to manage the powerful clot busting agent..so it is very touch and go but the return of his control of his right side is encouraging.

Now they are going to watch him like a hawk to see ifthe bleeding gets out of hand...which could be fatal. Again we can do nothing but wait and see how he does. This roller coaster ride is taking it's toll on his kids, parents and siblings...but we all remain hopeful that it works out.It's amazing because this afternoon he was bright and when we saw him this evening he was bugging us about rushing down to see him and then his eyes rolled up and he had a TIA right before our eyes.

The staff has been fabulous and his family was moved into a private room..my heart goes out to his family..his beloved children are being brave and hopeful..Chris would be very proud of them as he always is..I'm hoping for some good news tomorrow but the next 12 hours will be very dangerous with all the powerful thinning agents circulating.

Hang in there buddy, you've got a lot of people who love you..hang in there...

Donn
3:19 AM

As of 10:20 AM there is no change and this means that Chris is not experiencing any internal bleeding form all of the clot busting agents.
Hopefully they can get him back to point B so that his body can deal with the first clot.

Donn
10:52 AM

UPDATE:Just got a call from his brother ans Chris has suffered another setback and the paralysis on his right side has returned they are rushing in to do another MRI...another hour to see the results..c'mon

Chris fight your way back to us..you can do it..

Donn
12:05 PM

As of this evening he was breathing on his own, he did recognise his Mother, and now he has to make it through the swelling period...after that they can see what's what.

Hopefully he will be in the hospital for a few weeks and then on to rehab for a few months..which will be minimal if he is lucky.I did whisper to him that all of you were making a big fuss so hopefully that will be enough for him to snap out of it :)

Donn
7:48 PM

Wednesday MorningChris made it through the night without incident. According to his brother Gerry (who spent the entire night by his side) he is responding to questions via hand squeezes.

Chris' main threat now is brain swelling so he is under intensive observation but so far so good...which considering and hoping that the stroke phase has actually ended, means that Chris has rounded 1st base and is heading for 2nd.

Chris has an amazing family helping him and I am encouraged..I'm into the No News is Good News phase...hopefully that means that his recuperative powers are about to get medieval on his brain!

Donn
9:42 AM

Wednesday Afternoon..

The good news is that there is no bad news to report...which I interpret as positive.Let's hope that the swelling is minimal...it looks like maybe, just maybe, the TIAs really are finished. I'm hoping that his family has a chance to catch their breath and regain their strength.

I hope that I can get a shift soon...I feel better when I can actually see him.If he is up to it, maybe by next week I'll bring his laptop so that he can see what fantastic friends he has out here...I did print a few pages to bring along and he'll be happy to see that the wise cracks and asshattery are back!

Donn
3:53 PM

THURSDAY

No incidents last night and Chris is now out of the ICU but he still has a way to go get past the dnager of swelling. His parents and all of his brothers & sisters are there to support him...amazing family.I'm sneaking in there later this morning but I'm feeling a little more confident that Chris has entered a new phase...hope I'm right.

Keep those good vibes coming.

Donn
8:59 AM

This afternoon I watched Chris struggle..he is lucid at times but it's hard to tell how often our communication is getting through.

At one point he was very uncomfortable and he said something that sounded like he wanted to roll onto his other side.I said that we were 'dense' and that we couldn't figure out what he was trying to say..he opened his eyes wide and said "YES YOU PEOPLE ARE DENSE!" and we all burst into laughter.

It certainly proved that he was in the moment.I brought my Ipod and played Spaceship Orion for him ...he seemed to smile...music brings memories back and I talked it over with his family and they all said sure..I'll probably keep doing that.

Tomorrow should be a benchmark day and hopefully any swelling will start to subside and then the Doctors can assess what kind of challenges he is facing. I won't speculate about that I'll wait and let Chris show and tell us what he is really feeling...aside from being frustrated and mad and uncomfortable.It certainly seems as if he is in a different phase but that could all change in a heartbeat if the swelling subsides...which is what I am hoping.

Meanwhile his amazing family is cocooning him in a soft envelope of patient love and encouragement. It really is astounding. He is on to another ward where the neurologists can start deciphering the events of the past few days.I believe that he hears everything that we are saying and he is cognizant that when he tries to talk that it's a bit garbled and that is making him frustrated...therefore he WILL do everything in his power to rectify the situation...and he needs to rest, he looks so tired and he nods off, in and out, but Chris definitely showed up today.

I saw it with my own two eyes..he's in there somewhere and I have little doubt that in no time at all he'll be telling me off for blabbing about all of this...which is fine with me..bring it on big guy, bring it on!

Donn
10:33 PM

Please bear in mind that his outburst was very garbled and it appeared as though delivering that line took all of his strength...I don't want to be a wet blanket because it did prove that he was there...my guess is that Chris is trapped behind the fog and that he knows what's what but can't smash through at will.

Today my hope is that he can communicate for more than a few seconds at a time.

Donn
4:49 AM

FRIDAY NIGHT

I had a little one on one with Chris after his sister left..he has been moved to a much quieter room on a different floor. Chris seemed a little calmer but his immobilized hand and arm have some swelling and he has a feeding tube.

He asked for his eye glasses, his speech is still garbly but he can get it out..he is still very within/ without..Chris dozes off after a few moments but he did seem a little more comfortable today?I put the headphones on him again and played music for him for about half an hour..poor guy I've been forcing him to listen to music I like for almost 30 years HA! Anyway he was trying to tap his fingers to Clocks by Coldplay and his eyes opened up when he heard the song "Within Without" by the Ozark Mountain Daredevils.

I told him that I knew that he could hear me and he squeezed my hand a little tighter. I wish that I could tell you more hard news.Maybe tomorrow. All in all, Chris seemed a little less agitated but he also seemed a little weaker..which you would expect from being stuck in a bed for a week..but the little squeeze made my day and I thought that it was better than yesterday.

Donn
10:05 PM